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Offbeat Families reader Betty asks:
“I’m not currently pregnant or planning to be anytime soon, but I think I might have kids… some day. I have tons of questions about pregnancy and raising children, but whenever I really think about pregnancy I inevitably always wonder: what is sex like while you’re pregnant?
I know that plenty of people have sex the entire time they’re pregnant AND that plenty of people aren’t comfortable having sex while pregnant, so I’m curious — what about being pregnant makes you want to have sex more or less than you do usually?
If you are having sex while pregnant, how does it change as the pregnancy progresses?”
Ok, you sexy mamas! We want to hear your experiences about sex through your pregnancy.
We know the comments on this one are going to be awesome…
My sex drive was pretty much non-existent. That isn’t to say we didn’t ever have sex, but not multiple times a week like we used to before. I felt terrible the first trimester, and after that I was always just exhausted and not feeling up for it. I didn’t even like cuddling much because it made me feel hot and uncomfortable. I would have sexy dreams pretty often actually, and whenever I was in the mood for sex it was usually in the early morning when I was feeling the best and most energetic.
I haven’t felt a libido kick or drop really. First trimester I was often too tired but it got much better in the 2nd. As some others have mentioned missionary style became difficult as I got bigger but that’s never been my fave anyway.
The biggest issue started at the beginning of my 3rd trimester. One night after sex I started feeling bad abdominal cramping. I got really scared and thought I was heading into labour early but after a few hours it went away. Subsequent times I’d have the same problem but with the cramps lasting increasingly longer and more painful.
I spoke to my midwife who said it’s caused by prostaglandins in semen. It’s the reason why they tell you to have sex when you’re trying to induce labour. So now either he has to pull out or more often we just have non-penetrative fun. I suppose we could use condoms. But what a bummer – one of the best parts of pregnant sex is getting to be carefree with contraception! 😉
For me there has been little change except things are way more sensitive down there (in a good way). I am a bit self-conscious about the emerging belly and fuller boobs but thinks I look more feminine (I am usually a slim flat bellied almost B cup). The baby moving has been a non issue for us nor has the little bit of milk that can leak. Maybe TMI but we are on the earthy side of things.
I’m 36 weeks, and our sex life has plummeted to nothing. We had sex a couple of times in the first trimester when I didn’t feel super icky, and a handful of times in the 2nd, but we haven’t got it on in months now. My libido pretty much fell to nothing within 8 weeks of getting pregnant, and once I started to show and bubs started kicking (which we both felt at 14 weeks) hubs couldn’t get past the fact that our child was in there literally centimeters from his penis. So between the 2 of us sex just isn’t happening. I’ve had the urge a couple of times in the last month or so, but as bubs has been locked and loaded since 32 weeks, hubs has been turning me down because a: we didn’t want to go into prem labour, and b: he can’t deal with getting it on so close to our little girl’s head. I’m so close to full term now though that it’d be good to get it on to get things moving!
Anyone got any tips on how to help my fella get over this psychological barrier? I should add – we’re 23 and 27 and were fairly active pre-pregnancy.
Short of my belly getting “stuck” sometimes if we’re facing each other, things are pretty much the same. I do have some dryness, but that’s fixable. Of course I’m tired at 32 weeks along, but if we can’t make time now, we’ll never be able to make time once the LO gets here.
For us, the first trimester was the normal game of fitting it into our hectic routine since our sleep schedules don’t always match and he’s away two nights a week; my exhaustion then just added another consideration. The second trimester has me jumping him as much as possible and satisfying myself when he’s away. I’m already sad that we might have to go 6 weeks after the nugget arrives, but I’m heartened by some of these responses.
I’m only 7 weeks but sex has still been great. I am lucky so far and haven’t felt sick at all. The only difference so far is that I am more tired so we have to go to bed earlier to get it in. The plus side is that the orgasms are amazing!
I’m 30 weeks pregnant with our first, and our sex life has taken a dive. I’m just never in the mood, and the few times we’ve had sex during the pregnancy, I stay uncomfortably dry (although that’s fixable). On top of that, my husband worries about hurting the baby and even though rationally he knows that’s not possible, I think it’s hard for him to get past. So yeah, our sex life has been pretty chilly over the past 30 weeks. But I’m not too worried, and have been assuming things will return to normal once our daughter has arrived (if we’re not too exhausted anyway, lol!).
Sex was fun while I was pregnant! You eventually have to get creative with positions.
Sex with a baby can be… rushed. But still good!
I am 38 weeks pregnant with our first and we have had sex maybe 7-8 times since conceiving. I had an insatiable sex drive before pregnancy, and it was like, as soon as my uterus achieved its goal of a fetus, the raging hormones stopped dead in their tracks. I think that my drive will return around the time my fertility does after the birth, so if I can’t be getting busy now, I am looking up birth control for after so we don’t accidentally catch a case of Irish twins!
I’m interested in this topic too and am curious about having sex with a woman while pregnant. The comments about penetration with something permanently attached to your partner’s midsection don’t really apply to me. Any same sex couples wanna share? Does LBD rear its ugly head? (I hate that term, but you know)
While I always love good sexy time, I have had quite a few medical issues during my pregnancy that have prevented us from engaging in too much randiness. I had a subchorionic hematoma (like a blood clot) that meant sex was off limits for the first 16 weeks. We totally didnt make it that long, but, the couple of times we did try we were both so freaked out about hurting something we honestly didnt enjoy it. Shortly after we were cleared for sex, I started having bladder pain that couldnt be diagnosed because of the pregnancy (invasive diagnostic procedures). Which sucked. Because it hurt. We had to switch to doggy style from about 20 weeks on because the pressure sex put on my bladder when in missionary was really uncomfortable. Even then, I constantly had to remind him to be careful and go slow and be gentle. Once we get going a bit, it doesnt hurt as much (especially with lots and lots of lubricant), but just knowing that it will usually turns me off in the first place. Foreplay is usually the most pleasurable for me. Actual penetration is where it gets hard (HA). Im 28 weeks now, and we have our fingers crossed that this bladder problem goes away soon after delivery so I can get back to doing the dirty any way I want instead of just doggy style! 🙂
I’m 34 weeks along and we’ve had sex exactly three times. For some reason, orgasming always feels good but then I get way nauseous and get round ligament cramps, afterwards. It really kills the mood. We still touch and stuff but it’s mostly me using my hands on the mister.
I hit 31 weeks tomorrow and am happy to say that our sex life is still thriving. We’re constantly working to find which angle is best (we both still prefer missionary, but I make sure I’m propped up on pillows), but otherwise little has changed. My libido is slightly lower than pre-pregnancy due to hormones and tiredness, but I have worked hard to push through that because nothing else gives us, personally, the emotional connection that making love does. I’d say we’ve had sex 2+ times per week rather than the 3-4 times pre-preg. I consider us to be very lucky and am grateful that we’ve been able to stay so active.
For me, it was fantastic!!! I can’t get enough of my hubby when I am pregnant. It makes up for the stress of getting ready for those sleepless nights for the first 6 months. After though… we waited the expected 8 weeks of recovery… though I think I waited until week 9 for sure. Slow and steady, but eventually you feel back to normal. But in all honesty those first few months you are too tired to try much of anything. Sleep is a blessing at that stage. 😉
My husband and I are so much closer now. We have always been great together but since finding out I was pregnant our relationship is the best its ever been & we have this even stronger emotional connection. We are so in love with each other and so excited for the arrival of our first child. This being my first pregnancy and with everything that I had heard from others I expected our sex life to plummet.. but no two are ever the same. I will say that it was in stages. When we first found out nothing changed in our sex life we continued 4-5 times a week like always (I was only 6 weeks along when i found out). At around 10 weeks i had a rough patch with morning sickness, more like all day long sickness, and i didnt have much energy but my husband did everything possible to comfort & take care of me. Somehow rven thriugh all that we still managed to stay intimate at least once a week. Then came the first sonogram, it was an unbelieveably incredible and surreal experience to see our child on the screen. It made everything really sink in for the both of us & if we thought we were excited before, we were 20 times more excited then. But it did put the idea in both of our heads that by having sex we would somehow hurt the baby so our sex life took a dive until my next appointnebt a month later when we asked ny ob if it was possible. Once she reassured us that it wasnt we were determined to be back at it again but i was also having some body insecurities. I made excuses about being too tired or bot feeling well to avoid sex. The truth is I wanted to but was so uncomfortable with my changing body. I was at about 4 months and was starting to “show” but i just looked chubby. It wasnt the round perky bump i had expected. My husband had thought it was cute since day 1 & assumed anything extra going on there was the baby. After making excuses for 3 weeks going on a month and him being so understanding and paitient, i finally just broke down and told him that i felt gross and that i hadnt been feeling ill, i was just uncomfortable with the extra around my middle to which he responded the way any good man should and told me that everything about my body was perfect and that carrying our child made me that much more beautiful to him. I was thrilled to hear this but the change of mindset didnt happen overnight. We took showers together and found other ways to stay connected and for me to get used to my body. It felt great to be intimate again after such a long pause and now at 29 weeks i feel more beautiful than ever with my baby bump. Our sex life is awesome 🙂 if anything even better than before. My husband finds me sexier & cant keep his hands off of me! So just like everything else its different for person to person, youll find whats right for you two.
Hello, I am 28 weeks, I have read a lot of the posts on here. A lot of you seem to really enjoy being pregnant, but I personally don’t like myself at the moment. It has nothing to do with being a mum, because I have always wanted a child, but I just feel quite ‘whaley’. I tried to slip into some sexy lingerie, my partner laughed, although I don’t think he meant to. He is very supportive and is still enthusiastic about sex, but I just feel very bump-concsious. Also agree with whoever says baby movement kills the mood a bit. Any tips or advice, positions or otherwise?
I am a women with 34 week and almost we do sex 3-4 time a week with Miss… position.
We enjoy a lots
First trimester I was really tired & stressed because of work, so sex wasn’t too great. Also, my husband’s penis has aways been the PERFECT size for me, but with pregnancy my cervix went really high up & with some positions it just felt like he almost wasn’t inside me?? (I’d never tell him this, though!) Our favourite position (& usually the one we end with) is me on my stomach so that was sadly out & thus I struggled to climax right through. My sex drive was fine, but knowing that I was going to struggle to orgasm put me off 🙁 Also baby would really start moving when we got busy & that was also a major turnoff for me. Just such a werid feeling 🙁 So I’m really excited to get back to non-pregnant sex (as the desire is def still there & quite strong now in this last stretch) I know my poor husband is too 🙂
OHYES, another huge factor of our deminished sex-life during pregnancy (lol) has been the HEAT!! Trust myself to land the hight of my pregnancy during literally the hottest summer on record ever (Nov 2015 – March2016, South Africa) due to the lovely el nino…and our area is really humid too. Fml! 😉
My third baby is 4 months old and for me the pattern has been the same. In the first trimester I don’t feel like doing anything never mind having sex but once i’m over the morning sickness pregnancy makes me super horny. So we had a lot of sex during all three of my pregnancies, up till nearly 42 weeks as my last one was super late :). I generally find a side lying position is easiest for me once my belly gets big. One of the great things about pregnant sex is I never need any extra lube, I’m just naturally very lubricated, which is not always the case at other times. I find that while I’m breastfeeding full time I have very little sex drive (not to mention how tired I am with a newborn) so I try to make the most of those horny months of pregnancy! I think I generally have a pretty high libido but when I’m nursing full time I just have very little desire. I find my libido returns to normal once my period starts again, but that takes a long time and nightweaning my baby/Toddler which I did at 18mo and 2yrs for babies 1 and 2. I still enjoy having sex at that point but I don’t feel the burning desire in the same way.
I’m 25 weeks pregnant and quite slim with a huge belly, and I have lots of back and pelvic pain so we’ve had to get a little creative haha. I can’t lie on my back anymore so lots of sideways cuddle nookie and sometimes on all fours is nice because it all just hangs down. We do have to be careful because eveything is more sensitive so it can’t be too rough anymore and we’ve invested in some good ol’ KY because it can be a little painful. My husband was really weirded out the first time he felt our baby move while we were mid-shag and I felt like a terrible mother when I’d feel her move while we were getting down but we’ve mostly got past that. I read somewhere that the rocking motion can put them to sleep so hopefully she’s not getting all shaken up inside there haha. Sometimes orgasms can be almost painful because my uterus is contracting around a fairly big object but it passes quite quickly. It’s been important for us to keep a sense of humour and be experimental because it is kinda weird to think we’re having sex with our child not only in the room, but inside me!!! But it’s also brought us closer because we’re forced to communicate rather than just knowing how each other’s bodies work. I’ve just started lactating so we will have to see what happens when that increases, I might end up shooting my poor husband in the eye with breast milk!!!