I hate being pregnant.
There. I said it.
Does it mean that I’m going to hate motherhood? Absolutely NOT! Since the moment I found out I was pregnant, I was anxiously awaiting the arrival of my child, and had a plethora of hopes and dreams running through my mind 24/7. I can’t wait to have my kid in my arms, snuggle him, kiss him, and tell him how much I love him… I just haven’t enjoyed the journey of pregnancy.
So why do I hate being pregnant? Well, let’s face it, pregnancy isn’t all about “glowing” and the occasional bout of heartburn. Well, maybe it is for some people but it definitely hasn’t been for me.
Pregnancy has been brutal
My vagina physically aches & 5 other unedited, unfiltered, shitty pregnancy truths
In an effort to self-disclose and move toward a pregnancy culture where we can share our shit and bare our souls beyond the excitement of... Read more
Going into pregnancy as a high-risk mamma-to-be, I got dealt a further hand of nasty cards — including nine months of morning sickness, pelvic girdle disfunction, a post-nasal drip that lead to additional vomiting, as well as the grand finale of excessive swelling, dangerous increase in blood pressure… And don’t even get me started about the wild world of hemmorhoids and the other absolutely horrific things that happen to your nether regions. Needless to say, there hasn’t really been a day since the moment we conceived that I haven’t had to deal with nasty pregnancy symptoms.
Being a Simpson’s fan (I had a Simpsons baby shower, after all) I tried to express myself using Simpson’s quotes and screenshots from things that I felt really expressed my life at that moment. Around week 32 I posted this one in, relation to all the swelling I had:
I thought it was funny, clever and a pretty “me” way to express my difficulties. Until a really odd comment appeared under the photo. The comment was along the lines of “God help you if you resent this child this much once it’s out of the womb.”
It made me realize that while I’ve come to terms with hating being pregnant; it’s still incredibly socially unacceptable to be anything but joyous and ridiculously positive about the entire experience.
So to all of those out there who hate being pregnant, please remember this…
You don’t have to love being pregnant
The things that are happening to your body right now can be gross, downright nasty and frankly, they can really put a damper on your quality of life. As excited as you may be for your baby, you may be mourning the loss of your “normal” self and abilities, especially if you’re suffering from a lot of pregnancy related side effects.
If you hate being pregnant, you’re not alone
There are so many other women that feel the same way either at times or throughout the length of their pregnancy. Unfortunately, not many women will speak out about it due to the nasty backlash they can get.
If you find yourself not being the happiest of campers while you’re creating a mini-human, find people to talk to either in person with friends, in a forum of supportive women or with a social worker or other mental health professional.
If you choose to post about your point of view online
It’s normal to get haters. But remember that while haters gonna hate, there will also be so many other women who are relieved to see that there’s someone else who shared their sentiments, and who had the courage to discuss it out loud.
So why am I talking about how much I hate pregnancy?
To quote my best friend and doula, Laura Cooper (in response to the nasty comment)…
Because silencing a woman’s complaints about pregnancy, birth and the postpartum period can set the stage for a women to feel like she had to keep quiet when things are spiraling out of control. You don’t know the whole story or the extent of someone’s discomfort or even suffering just based on their complaint, so please practice empathy, even if complaints make you uncomfortable. When women are complaining, they’re likely giving voice to some serious underlying concerns, like… Is this normal, or is it something I need to talk to my care provider about? Am I alone in this? Has anyone else gone through this? Who is here to be my support network? Let’s take care of each other.
Who else hated or currently hates being pregnant? Let’s talk about and support each other!
I have actually had the opposite experience. I don’t love pregnancy but I certainly don’t hate it. In fact I have had little to no symptoms at all. Whenever I tell people I am pregnant they always ask me how I feel and then act confused when I say “fine.” I feel like I have to find something to complain about because that is what they expect.
Prior to getting pregnant all I heard about from everyone is how hard it is and how much it sucks but is worth it. I was convinced that I would have morning sickness all day for 9 months and would swell everywhere. The fact that my pregnancy has been completely uneventful almost made me feel like I was doing it wrong. It wasn’t until I started having this conversation that I started to hear from other people about their easy pregnancies and learned that my experience is also in the wide range of normal. There is an awful lot of fear mongering out there about what is hard and can go wrong with pregnancy and parenthood. I think that all experiences need to be talked about and reflected more often.
Do I love pregnancy? No. What’s to love? Some bits are kind of cool, like when the baby kicks, but most of it is just a thing that I am doing for a period of time. I don’t sit around “glowing.” I just live my normal life as I did before and am thankful everyday that I can.
I don’t see why hating pregnancy should have ANYTHING to do with how you feel about the actual kid. That’s like saying that because you hate flying, you won’t have fun on vacation. Sometimes the journey sucks, and you suck it up and do it because you’re excited about the destination.
So basically, f*** that commenter in the earhole.
I was physically mostly okay during my pregnancy, a bit of indigestion and sciatica, but otherwise pretty good. So pretty grateful for that. However, I was suicidal the entire time, and for about a year or so afterwards.
My son is eight now, I love him more than anything. I’m also 41 now and have been single since not long after his birth, and am glad I have an excuse not to have more children, because I’m not sure I could survive a second pregnancy.
I was prepared for post-natal depression but ante-natal took me completely by surprise (I have since received pharmaceutical treatment for depression as following the pregnancy I realised I have had depression all my adult life). I know my circumstances are not everyone’s, but ante-natal depression is a thing and I talk about it now to anyone who wants to listen.
I’m 35 weeks right now, so I haven’t hit the post-natal stage just yet, but I’ve known since day 1 that it is going to hit me like a ton of bricks. What I did not know was that the first trimester was also going to be a super low point for me. Thankfully a lot of that evened out part way through the second trimester, but in my third it is at least a weekly struggle (if not daily) to not sink down deep. I absolutely agree that ante-natal depression is a thing, but I think the fact that we’re supposed to be so happy about building a person that no one ever wants to talk about it. I’m glad you’re being vocal about it, I’m working on that too.
Definitely this! My pregnancies were both fine, just the usual morning sickness, aches, pains, always being hungry… But I just hated it! I hated having to basically forget all my beloved, painstakingly-aquired-through-countless-days-of-thrifting clothes for not only the second or so half of the prengnacy but then for the years of trying to lose the weight again, being pregnant again, then trying to lose the weight again! I also had a really hard time feeling connected to the babies in utero–they always talk about how dads don’t feel connected to babies often until they are born because it doesn’t seem ‘real’ to them, but I had the same problem, especially with my first. Now that they are out, pregnancy seems more and more like a ‘blip’ that didn’t mean nearly as much as everyone made it out to be. You’re pregnant for 9 months with each kid, but then you get to spend a lifetime with them, God-or-whoever-willing, and every year that goes by drives that home for me more. I hated pregnancy, but that had NO bearing whatsoever on how much I love my kids!
The whole idea of mommy bonding with baby in womb is a semi-myth. Everyone is different, but historically speaking, for the longest time women had little to no bonding with their babies before birth. People largely didn’t view their fetuses to be “real” or a human yet. A lot of our bonding is from cultural views and knowing how developed our babies are in the womb.
Well, I’m a little late to the conversation but in my desperate internet search to find ANYONE who feels as miserable as I do I’ve found this thread. If anyone is still out there I’d be interested to hear back because I’m pretty lost with how I’m feeling. My husband is amazing (although I feel like I hate him lately) and we PLANNED for this – this was a decision we made, together. And I have never been more miserable or depressed in my entire life. I’ve always been anxious but how I feel is over the top. I’m only about 9 weeks but I am fully panicked. I lie awake at night (because I haven’t slept through the night since I got a positive on the test) thinking, “I don’t think I can do this,” feeling absolutely terrified and so alone. I am afraid we made a mistake – or that I made a mistake. To be really, really honest, I’ve always felt pretty freaked out about pregnancy – about the physical part of it….things stretching, moving, changing – UGH, I’m horrified by the idea of it. But I thought that when the time came, things would fall into place, nature would take its course and I’d be fine and happy – NOT SO. What I was completely unprepared for was how depressed I would feel. I don’t know if it’s my hormones, or just the way I am or if my anxiety is just taking over my life. I’ve always been anxious but now I feel anxious about feeling anxious and guilty too. I feel like a disappointment to my husband – who really wants a baby. And I thought I did too. But now I’m not so sure – maybe I’m just not cut out for this? I don’t know….I haven’t told anyone I’m pregnant yet – except my boss b/c I’m off my game at work and most of the time I don’t feel well. She was very understanding and by and large, has pretty much just given me my space. I don’t want to tell anyone else yet because I had a miscarriage last year and I’m not 12 weeks yet so anything could happen. But I think the real reason I haven’t told anyone else is because I just can’t deal with it – I’m not ready for people to ask me how I’m feeling (I have nothing good to say anyways) and I’m definitely not ready to discuss any of this, not without crying anyways and I don’t want people to judge me. My husband is horrified. I can tell, it’s written all over his face. He does his best to be supportive – well he IS supportive and he’s great but nothing he says makes me feel better and I feel so, so alone. From what I’ve read/heard this is all supposed to get better but I just can’t see that happening – there is not light at the end of my tunnel and I don’t feel like the same person. I’m not imagining it either because just last night my husband said to me, “you’re like a different person.” I feel like a shell of myself, unable to make decisions, unable to decide how I feel or what I want and each day seems like an endless cycle of misery. 7 more months of this may as well be forever – I don’t know how my marriage will survive it, I don’t know how I will survive it. I’ve never ever been so low – I’m so disappointed in myself. I know I should be grateful – and I guess I am even though it hardly sounds that way. If this makes any sense – I feel intellectually grateful, but emotionally terrible. My house is a disaster, I just can’t keep up with it and yet I hate that it’s cluttered and messy and even doing the laundry overwhelms me. In fact, everything overwhelms me and I guess while I’m looking forward to the baby on some level I’m more looking forward to pregnancy being over. And since I’ve only just begun and I’m obviously not handling this well I’m worried it will only become worse as the pregnancy and the discomfort progresses. I’m worried about what will happen when the baby gets here – from everything to losing the baby weight to how it will affect my marriage, which is already suffering to how we will handle practical things like childcare and money. I’m worried about everything. We went to a friend’s get-together yesterday and I was one of the only girls there without kids yet and I was horrified. All the kids screaming, the tired moms and there was a 9 month pregnant woman there who I couldn’t even look at. I saw someone touch her stomach and my skin crawled. What is wrong with me? I know this isn’t normal but I don’t know what to do. I wanted to run away screaming.
I’m so, so sorry you’re going through this, Jen. I did not enjoy either of my pregnancies at all either and envied the moms I saw that seemed to love it and had that ‘glow.’ Your situation sounds like some actual chemical depression, and you might benefit from some kind of support outside your husband, someone who is not involved, like a therapist or an alternative health professional of some kind (whatever your preference is between conventional and alternative modalities). I found depression much easier to cope with when I started to understand that it wasn’t all my fault but the product of lots of crazy chemicals, and pregnancy is a major time of ‘brain chemical soup,’ as I like to call it. Then, at least you could start to feel less guilt that all of your feelings are your fault alone. They’re not, not by a long shot. Pregnancy is one of the most terrifying and intense rites of passage we ever go through as women, and your sadness and feelings of loss and confusion are what almost every woman feels, though
many are too ashamed to even admit it to themselves for fear of seeming unhappy or ungrateful. It’s ok to be the biggest wreck you’ve ever been. And it’s also ok to need help and support like you never have before. It doesn’t mean you’re broken or weak, it means you’re human, and you should be very proud of yourself just for being able to have the courage to say it out loud and admit that you are hurting.
And if you are also overwhelmed with my own worst fears while I was pregnant, namely of losing yourself and never getting your life back, I’m here to tell you it’s NOT TRUE. I have a 2 and 4 year old that I have been a stay at home mom to, and it DOES get better. Do NOT let anyone tell you it doesn’t (many women will because they don’t want you to have too high of expectations or something). It is going to change your life, but it will NOT always be so immediately difficult as pregnancy and those first few years. If you are a stay at home parent, the first year or two is a lot of work, but it isn’t long before you can start to go back to your usual self again, maybe even as a more confident person than before! And you will find ways to keep doing what you love even in the toughest moments. Hell, I took a writing class the week after my son was born and wrote most of my work with him asleep on top of me, and I’m a pretty lazy person 😀 I promise you will not lose yourself and become a mom zombie where you just live for your kids and forget everything you ever loved. Not gonna happen.
You are SO so not alone.
Jen, I’m right there with you and totally could have written your post exactly — especially, “I was completely unprepared for was how depressed I would feel. I don’t know if it’s my hormones or just the way I am or if my anxiety is just taking over my life. I’ve always been anxious but now I feel anxious about feeling anxious and guilty too. I feel like a disappointment …” The only difference between you and I is I’m supposed to be in the honeymoon phase by now (22 wks). I’m hoping things will get better for you as your hormones start to level out. Sending warm thoughts and support.
Anyway – I just wanted to reach out. No real answers for you .. but maybe some comfort in knowing you’re not alone.
It sounds like you pregnancy was a breeze… Heartburn, hemorrhoids, vomiting? I could only dream that was it.
Let’s see. I have hyperemesis gravidarium, I vomit 20x a day without medication to point of blood, and a few times with. I am so weak i can’t get out of bed. If I stand up I get very dizzy and have to walk half hunched while the room shifts from black to not. I am not exhausted I am one step above comatose. I look like a skeleton, I have no color in my face, and if the pregnancy glow they speak of is purple I have plenty of that under my eyes.
I am so constipated from the dehydration and medications that I have to manually go up there gloved, because keeping down stool softeners and laxatives is a joke. I don’t cry from having to go up my butt anymore, I have no dignity left. I am am so dehydrated that when i went to hospital to get an IV they couldn’t find a vein and when they thought they finally did the IV fluid poured into my arm.
Because of all this I lost my job, had to drop out of University and lost my home. I currently sleep on someones couch along with my 8 year old daughter. I’m anemic but only can half keep an iron pill down once a week maybe. Which does nothing…So I am constant chalky white color all over. I wake up shaking, with cotton mouth and a sandpaper throat. I can’t remember anything. I’m severely depressed, and fully isolated. I have anxiety attacks pretty consistently. The doctors don’t take me serious so the ER doctor is pretty much my OB/GYN. My sciatic is already kicking in probably from my wobbling and horrible posture from weakness. Migraines so bad my eyeball feels like it’s going to pop out of my head. Not to mention if my tits get bumped or moved i want to scream. I can’t remember the rest so I guess I will leave it at that. What a joyous time while each day feels like a week. Oh yeah, I have gone through 2 Costco size Tums bottles from the constant heartburn, throwing up bile burning of my throat. Not to mention i had to get an emergency root canal, that took the last of my money and currently can’t afford the crown (or anything) and the vomiting is eating away the temporary they put on, that you are suppose to have on for a week and i will be having indefinitely.
Stretch marks, I rubbed so many concoctions on i have permanent grease stains on all my shirts. Im waiting to see how much more my stomach could look like Freddie Kruegers face. It can’t get worse if every square inch is already covered right?
Pregnancy is hell would be an under statement.
Just came across this now in a search for experiences others had hating pregnancy. We experienced infertility issues and finally managed to get pregnant. This was the “goal” for so long I didn’t really prepare or anticipate what pregnancy would be like… I’m almost 12 weeks now and it’s just been awful so far. I feel guilty saying that with the issues we had getting to this point, but it’s true. Can’t wait to know if baby’s still doing well and for the baby to get here. Still really, really excited to be a mom… just over the “growing a baby” experience.