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I’m in the unfortunate situation of breaking off a long term engagement. It’s been a painful yet necessary process, and I’m pretty proud of the way we’ve both handled it thus far (very maturely).Having said all that, here’s my question:
I had gifted him some boudoir photos shortly after we got engaged. Now that we are no longer, I’d like them back but he’s not willing to part with them. Not that this is an apples to apples comparison, but for what it’s worth, I did return the ring (duh, in my mind).
Any ideas, thoughts, guidance on getting your sexy photos back from someone? -Sharon
I think if things are reasonably amicable right now, I’d let it lie for a month or so and then ask again. If he’s hanging on to them for sentimental reasons, a bit of time might help him get the distance he needs to understand why you want them back. Things are likely to be very emotionally fraught right now, and this is the sort of thing that could blow up into something huge and ugly unnecessarily when you’re both just struggling to adjust to a massive change in your lives. Parts of him are probably still clinging to the ‘before’, and giving up the photos means confronting more of the ‘after’ than he’s able to right now.
(there’s also a small part of me that wonders if he’s lost them and just doesn’t want to admit it!)
I gave the same to my then husband as a wedding gift. He luckily parted with them when we split- ours too was amicable (as divorce can be) and mature.
I know how you feel because I worried about getting the photos back too! My Former Spouse also wanted to keep “just one” for memories sake. I didn’t feel too good about him having any photos of me less than clothed once we split and had always been adamant about no phone photos. I think the best way to approach it is as honestly as you can muster. Ask nicely and explain why you feel uncomfortable and ask why he prefers to keep them. I love my photos and would hate to have had them burned. I hope you are able to get yours back.
This sounds like a really tough situation all around. It seems like the big question is: do you think he wants the photos for memories or do you think he wants the photos for creepy reasons (sexual or revenge)?
If you suspect the reason is creepy, then I second most of the other posters here. Figure out your legal rights in this situation and do what you can to protect yourself.
However, for a moment I’m going to be hopeful since you said the break was fairly mature. If you think he wants them for memory reasons, why don’t you suggest a trade? The two of you could take some non-sexual, platonic “friendship photos” around town at places that mean a lot to both of you. Give him a copy of the platonic photos and ask him for the sexy ones back. This way he still gets his memories and you (and his future partners) don’t have to worry about the weirdness of him having the more intimate photos.
Obviously this idea only makes sense if the break is fairly amicable and you still trust him.
Anyway, I hope this helps and, like I said, if the break up was a little more harsh or you don’t trust him enough to want to take photos with him, then definitely ignore this suggestion and work the legal angle. Bad or just complicated break ups happen too. That’s just life.
Good luck with everything! I really hope you get those photos back.
photos are a personal thing, if it means so much, say you’d like them back or at least a copy as it showed how happy you are as a person and how you feel so awesomesexy; it validates your self-worth and that even though your relationship has broken down, your love for yourself hasn’t and will cherish the moments for what they’re worth – your confidence.
I feel like talking it through would be the best option. If he wants to move on with a new partner, those pictures may not be something she is comfortable with having around, which he may not have thought about. Of course your comfort is also important, but that may be the argument that gets through.
If its mature as you say and you have no reason to feel that he’s gonna hold them over your head, then leave it be and he can keep the memories. It most likely just be for the time of getting over it and he’ll likely get rid of them when he meets someone better. If you still don’t feel right that he has them, just remember that he has pictures of you feeling confident at your sexiest moment and thats nothing to feel bad about.
I think you should have a deeper conversation with yourself about why this bothers you so much. It sounds like a control issue with both parties. Live, learn, move on.