How to make friends as a grown up: stop being a victim, start making plans
I got into a huge conversation recently with an old friend of mine. He’s in his mid-30s, self-employed, and works from his home in the burbs. He recently broke up with his girlfriend, and is newly single and realizing he just doesn’t have the group of friends that he did in his 20s. I’ve had the same conversation with other friends in their late 20s and 30s (and 40s)… how the fuck do you make friends as a grown up?
Substituting adventures with doing chores: The strange relationship strains of repatriating
Community wisdom holds that the three most stressful life events that a couple can undertake are changing jobs, moving, and death. For us, repatriation combined the first two major stressors while throwing in several others, making our first year back in the US a very tumultuous transition. When the customs officers welcomed us “home,” it felt like our idea of home had shifted from holding an endless sense of wonder to embodying a stack of drudging responsibilities. The towering mound of laundry only served as a physical reminder of this loss, and we were sulking. But, through trial and effort, we seem to have hit on a reasonable set of guidelines for building up the sense of self we both felt we lost, while investing in each other.
Realizing that “long-term relationship” is a choice
I’m 28, and my friend circle (both close and extended) is definitely experiencing the first wave of divorces. As someone who regularly contemplated divorce for two years, I can see the appeal: freeeeeeeeeedom. I’m also someone who is adamantly pro-divorce: if it’s not working and you want out, get out. To me, divorce is nothing to be ashamed of regardless of the reasons leading up to it. But yet… I remain un-divorced. Like I said, I’m even happy about it. Why?
Hey parent friends, I want to hang out with you AND your kids!
I am not a parent but many of my friends are. When friends started having babies, I did all the usual stuff — bringing muffins, offering to help out around the house or at least hold the baby while the parents clean up, and of course cooing over the little ones. I genuinely enjoy kids and I am happy that my friends are bringing them into my life. I know I can’t be included in everything, but I feel so sad when I hear a bunch of people I like talking about an activity that I would’ve enjoyed but wasn’t invited to because they all brought kids. No one seems to think I care, even though I’ve mentioned that I like, say, the zoo or the park, too. I have tried inviting people with their kids to my place and it’s lots of fun, but it’s clearly a grownup apartment and things wrap up pretty quickly.
On “getting wifed” after getting married
I’ve noticed something now that I’m married… I feel like I’ve totally been getting “wifed” recently, and not-so-much by strangers or friends, but by my family, who really should know me better. From my sister to my father, for some reason everyone assumed I would change because *gasp* “I’m a wife now!”
Ozzie and Harriet beds: The aftermath of sleeping separately
This is in response to the insomniac post. I saw a few comments like, “Separate beds will help. Separate rooms would probably help even more.” Having a little bit of experience with this, I wanted to lend my two cents. I can say that it has definitely been a mixed bag, with a few unintended consequences.
Should we get divorced but stay together?
When my husband and I weren’t married I had “zero” income. Now that we’re married and I’m on his healthcare and I’m trying to continue my education I’m realizing that my low/no income healthcare was far better than actually being insured. And now I’m worried about me receiving enough aid to finish school. Has anyone else thought about just getting a divorce on paper in order to reap the financial benefits?
Family meetings help my relationship, save me money, and rock my socks
I am a terrible housekeeper. I’m also terrible at saving money. And talking about my feelings. And cooking (because I don’t plan ahead). And making time for my husband. At least, I WAS terrible at all of these things until… family meetings! I found a print-out somewhere in the depths of the internet called “Peek at the Week.” I showed it to my husband and he was mostly indifferent about it until I told him all of my amazing plans.