The scarcity trap: How sugarcane farmers helped me understand my obsession with becoming a parent
I’ve found some relevance in articles and incredibly personal accounts of pregnancy loss, infertility, grief, and/or anxiety. But it wasn’t until listening to this Hidden Brain podcast from NPR — The Scarcity Trap, Why We Keep Digging When We’re Stuck in Hole — that I found an unlikely solidarity with the experience of sugar cane farmers in India.
How I gently eased into sharing expenses with my partner
I moved in with my partner of two years about seven months ago. It’s my first time living with someone, at the not-so-tender age of in-my-thirties. When we started to share rent and utilities responsibilities, we had to figure out a way to make things equitable, while also easing into the whole finance sharing idea in general. Here’s how we do it…
Kids and cultural appropriation v. cultural appreciation: Where’s the line?
After my three-year-old son watched Disney’s Moana and decided he would be Maui when he grows up (be still my heart), I started thinking about cultural appropriation and how to properly frame that for my son as he grows…
Help me out. When does cultural appreciation cross the line into culture appropriation?
I’m a father and I want to talk about parenting with depression
I’m sure other parents have gone through this, and it’s not a topic we talk about a lot. Postpartum depression has gotten a lot of press in recent years (as it should), but depression impacts dads as well. As men, we tend to avoid these kinds of topics by and large; which is foolish, but that doesn’t make it any less the case.
So let’s talk about parenting with depression…
How do you handle money and debt in a relationship?
My partner and I are cool with a lot of things, but in certain arenas we just don’t line up. How do you reconcile it when one person in a relationship feels that debt is a sad reality of this modern life, and accepts debt as “just something that happens,” and the other person is more in line with the “DEBT IS AN EMERGENCY” kinda deal?
I’m just curious how people reconcile different attitudes toward saving money.
Hey “bad moms,” let’s give ourselves permission to feel competent
Since the birth of my daughter, I’ve found myself using the phrase “I’m a bad mom” a lot. It horrifies my husband, who associates bad moms with criminals, not ordinary women with ordinary flaws.
Think about your best girlfriend who is also a mom. Now imagine someone called her a bad parent. How would you feel?
Somebody said it to my face once. He didn’t really know me, had never met my daughter, he was just a drunken dick in the bar where I work, but he said it, he looked me in the eye and said: “You’re a bad mother.” Let me tell you, it’s one hell of a fucking insult, and we should never, never, say it to ourselves.
Egg-cessive gift giving: Is Easter the new Christmas?
In my humble childhood experience the Easter Bunny brought chocolate, candy, and perhaps a few small toys — all of which are the appropriate size to fit in a basket. An actual basket! Not a toy bin, not a kiddie pool — a basket. What’s next? Children sitting on the lap of a man in a bunny suit asking for the trendiest toy of the season?
Once we start down this slippery slope of excessive Easter gifts where do we draw the line?
My 8 pieces of advice for all stay-at-home-parents
I’ve been a stay-at-home-mom for nine years. I’d like to think that I’ve provided my kids with stability at a time when life gets crazy for one reason or another. So here’s my advice for others who found them selves to be stay-at-home-parents…