Category Archive

Identity

I've been married for three years and I still can't pick a married last name

I’ve been married for three years and I still can’t pick a married last name

It happens all the time. Someone will look at me, ask for my name, and I’ll panic. What is my name here? My doctor and my library know me as Ms. My-Last-Name. Our dog groomer and favorite restaurant know me as Mrs. His-Last-Name. My bank knows me as both. And at some point, my gym changed my name to match my husband’s, but I forget and give them the wrong name every time. Who am I this time?

LGTBQ hate: My brush with hate and how I am moving forward

My brush with hate and how I am moving forward

We made a stop at a little diner in Kentucky to refuel after four hours on the road. The diner was empty except for a little white haired couple who were so offended by a couple of gay girls coming to eat near them, that they left the restaurant. They left their glasses filled and menus lying on the table. What did we do to deserve that little bit of hate? I was fully aware we were in a conservative area of the country; in a very small minority in that area but what about that fact made it okay for that couple to completely walk out simply because of our presence?

How to dress as a goth at work in a corporate workplace

Corporate goth – 10 tips for feeling authentic at work

If you’re into goth fashion and also starting a new job and need to slowly introduce yourself to unfamiliar coworkers, it can be a challenge to merge your style with their corporate culture. Or maybe you’ve been unsure about how much of your true fashion self you really can express at work, and you’re looking to combine your work and play wardrobes more. Here’s what I’ve learned about how to dress as a goth at work…

Feminist daughter: Fairy princesses can be mighty girls, as long as we don't shame them first

Fairy princesses can be mighty girls, as long as we don’t shame them first

My daughter wanted a “fairy princess birthday party,” so I was making wands out pink glitter-glue and pipe cleaners and cutting the crusts off fairy bread while obsessively refreshing my Twitter feed for more news about the extent of Weinstein’s depravity. The invitation to her party was a photo of my daughter wearing a tutu and crown, Photoshopped to make it look like it appeared in the pages of a storybook. She loved it.

After the invitation went out, I received messages RSVPing to the party, but they also asked a question, the same one over again: “Are you okay with this?”

Growing up southern as a lesbian late bloomer

Growing up Southern as a lesbian late bloomer

When you’re raised in a way that shields you from anything that’s different, it really alters your ability to think outside of the small little box that’s your world. Had I met someone when I was younger who was gay or bisexual, maybe there would have been bells and whistles going off and I wouldn’t have been clueless for so long. Who knows? But I was blind for a very very long time. I met a guy who I married, had a couple of kids, and that’s how the story was supposed to go…

…only it didn’t.

Mother, spinster, crone: No matter your path, ALL women are subject to criticism

We’ve all seen it: Tenacious and spectacular women — those whom Kerouac would call The Mad Ones — rounding their edges… They grow bitter, mean, judgmental. They cry when no one is watching, lost somewhere between never thinking their shit is together, and never being able to get their shit together.

Unparalleled is the devastating agony of seeming like a failure…

I’m a therapist with self-harm scars

I am a Residential Therapist and a recent graduate. And I have concern about how to address my self-harm scars to my clients.

I have considered surgery for the major scars and tattoos for the minor scars. Looking for insight from others in the professional or helping field.

How to get the perfect body in ONE step

I’m writing this because I just can’t anymore. But, actually you know what, I CAN even, and I need to say it…

Your body as you are experiencing it right now, even in your off white underwear and tank top possibly covered in a delicate layer of Doritos dust, is a feat of evolutionary wonderment. Your heart (I require you to place your hand on your chest right now) that heart, that dull thud you’re experiencing right this second, well that dull thud, according to Google, that precious organ began thumping its little chant for you a day after your the condom broke and your parents thought it was fine. A day. One day! That heart has been rooting for you since before your eyeballs existed. That beautiful little blood chucking muscle was been “thub-thubbing” for you since before your mama even knew you were there. It predates your brain. Love it. Mind it. Feel it. Trust it.

As for the rest of you, you have bones to support you, a brain making you “you,” muscles to kick ass left, right, and centre, eyes to see, and a voice — a voice that needs to be heard more. Heard louder and stronger than ever. Why?

Because there is a multibillion dollar industry ($445 billion to be exact) out there making bank from telling you that your body is not enough and by association that you are not enough. And we are buying it.

Frankly, fuck that.