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Before going into his birth story, let me preface this by saying that my husband, Sean, and I were planning a very relaxed (as relaxed as birthing can be, I guess) experience. First of all, we were going to take the water birth with a midwife, dim lights and music playing approach. Second, we attempted to choose a birthing center in Portland, but insurance wouldn’t cover it.
Finally, we in no way anticipated that our baby would come two months early, thus necessitating a switch from the midwives to the OBs in the hospital, have a rare platelet disorder, and spend a month in the NICU.
I have covered the basics of Jasper’s birth pretty extensively in my own blog, but what I never got around to speaking about are the emotional aspects of everything that happened. In order for that to make sense, some background:
I went to see my midwife on a Thursday morning for my appointment at 31 weeks. I woke up in the middle of night with cramps and an insane need to eat carrots and rice crackers. I proceeded to spend about an hour on the kitchen floor, happily eating my combination while Sean took photos and our dog, Kali, stared at me, and then went to my appointment later that morning.
I almost didn’t even mention the cramps, which had slightly intensified in pain but still didn’t seem so bad, but I did at the very last minute. Our midwife, Elizabeth, checked me just to see what, if anything, was happening, and discovered I was dilated a centimeter.
Breech babies and birthing plans
Let's backtrack to the 37th week, two weeks before Alice was born. Henry and I went to my weekly check-up together, to have "The Talk"... Read more
She let me leave, mentioning that she was going to run a test to see if I was at risk for premature labor, so I may have to come back in. I went to meet Sean for lunch, and very suddenly had pretty substantial contractions–definitely more pain than the cramping.
We called the midwives, who told me I was indeed positive and ordered me back to the hospital. I arrived and went to triage, found out I was at 3 cm, and then the OBs decided to try to stop the labor, through a series of IVs and shots, since I was at 31 weeks 5 days.
The attempts failed, and we were wheeled into a delivery room–Sean and I had no clue I was going to give birth (we figured they would be able to stop the labor), until a doctor I had never met before came in, told me I was at 5 cm and probably had an infection of some kind that was causing the early labor, and had to have the baby.
Long story short, Jazz was born at 1:21 a.m. on March 27 at 4 lbs, 6 oz–much bigger than expected, and his lungs were working beautifully.
I always maintained that I wanted a natural childbirth with a midwife, but that I was open to whatever was medically necessary if the situation needed it. As it turns out, our situation desperately needed it. My experience with the hospital was basically the complete and total opposite of what we had planned and dreamed of.
Pregnancy is in and of itself an emotional ride. You spend the nine (actually ten) months day-dreaming about what your child will be like, what your birth will be like, so on and so forth.
I don’t think a lot of pregnant women and couples plan for the unexpected. If you do–kudos to you. We were completely caught off-guard by the introduction of the OBs into our birthing experience, and as a result were confused and, honestly, scared.
A lot of words and concepts were introduced in a matter of minutes–pitocin, epidurals, stripping the membranes (which I still don’t completely understand), and all of the factors that come to the forefront with a premature baby–will he or she (we didn’t find out the sex beforehand) be breathing on his or her own? What will the weight be?
I distinctly remember this doctor, this woman I had never met, this woman who was now so incredibly intertwined with our experience, telling me in the middle of contractions at 8 cm that our baby might not be breathing when he or she came out.
Absolutely. Terrifying.
Ultimately, however, the day of Jasper’s birth was magical, holy, and full of love. The second I saw his gunky forehead (complete with wrinkles he inherited from his dad) and found out he was a boy the amount of love that surged through me was unmatched anywhere else in my life.
This being, this little baby, was worth every single moment of uncertainty or time we were scared.
Jasper spent a month in the NICU, and came out strong and healthy. We were, and remain, in awe of his spirit and tenacity. From what we can tell, he’s very much into Of Montreal and IZ, colors and soft fabrics, and chewing on our knuckles.
Thank you for allowing me to share his story.
Thanks for posting this!!! I just realized it's not as much about the NICU as it is our birthing experience, but the emotions…definitely in here. Thanks again, it's always so special to be on this site. I love you guys!
And I think "Premature Baby Changes Plans" is a way better title (in the link), good on you. 😉
What a beautiful story! I had the natural, crunchy birth experience with my oldest daughter and thought "Wow! That was easy! I can't wait to do this again!" In the next few years, that experience was followed by a spontaneous delivery (no contractions), two preemies, and an emergency c section for completely prolapsed cord. These birth experiences are not the ones of my dreams (basically a repeat of my first one would have been nice!) but THANK GOD that we have emergency medicine to turn to when we need it. Congrats to you and your family.
you definitely can't be prepared for everything. i hope it can be a healing and learning experience. i know it doesn't negate the fact, but now i'm sure you are very educated on many things!
I've been following Stephanie's blog for a while ( I think I started reading and paying attention to Stephanie when she first discovered she was pregnant ). She and Sean are amazing parents. I just had my own little guy and I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have her experiences to read. :] Thanks Stephanie for sharing!!!! :]
both my children were preemies – my youngest was born at 31 weeks and spend 7 weeks in NICU. it's an intense, scary, stressful time…but it can also be magical and wonderful. thanks for sharing your story.
Luckily I had prepared myself for the unexpected and read up on C-Sections before I went into labor. What I didn't prepare myself (not for lack of trying, though!!) was to have my water break AND have a fast labor. I had asked our labor coach what should I do if my water breaks and she said, "Don't worry, it wont happen" I prepared myself for a long extensive labor, but it was only 6 hours, and my water broke. I mean it was like gallons of water coming out!!! I was expecting a little trickle, but nope! In the end, my daughter's foot was coming out first so we needed to get a C-Section at the last second. Even though I had prepared myself for a C-section, I still started sobbing uncontrollably when I found out what I would have to do. I knew I had to do it, but I didn't realize how hard it would be to do.
you are one very brave lady
i've snooped around her blog too and how she documents her nicu experience is great. if you know before hand you're little one will or might be in the nicu check it out.
@ birth my son was in the nicu too, but much different issues. he was a whooping 10 lbs 6 oz when he left the nicu. but just like Stephine said it's rather odd when a women you've never met before is sitting in between your legs and is telling you all these scary things
and one last thing, when they said your baby is going to be going to the nicu don't be scared, the nurses are 95% of the time awesome and specialized care your baby is going to get can't be beat
I had tears in eyes reading this blog. Thanks so much for sharing it. Now I shall go stalk (in a good way) your blog.
My absolute favorite thing about this story is that Jasper is an Of Montreal fan. I can only hope the same for my future children, ’cause they’ll be hearing it a LOT either way! :o)
Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone!!! These comments are so amazing and sweet. 🙂
Stephanie…..Thank you so much for sharing so candidly. My son was also in the NICU and I felt a lot of the same feelings that you shared in your blog. Now that he is turning 3 this March and is a total handful we don't fear for his health. In fact my partner and I often jokingly ask each other,"Do you think the NICU babysits? I hear they are great with kids!". Good luck in your future!
Puna’ikaika – Spring warrior?? I’m Hawaiian so I was curious~ That was a lovely birth story, mahalo for sharing!
Wait… what is that on Jasper’s t-shirt? Voldemort? That’s pretty cool.
Hahahhaa yes! It actually says “Voldemort/Lestrange 2012.” It was around election time, and you know..2012..yeah. 😉
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