I think I’m a pretty typical mom. I have three adorable kids. I wear comfy jeans to parent involvement meetings at school. I use cloth diapers, amber teething necklaces, and have a Beco, a Moby, and two Ergos (which obviously means I’m way into baby wearing!).
For all intents and purposes I have the perfect suburban mommy resume. With one enormous exception. I keep a huge secret from my family, neighbors, and friends. After a long day of story time at the library, playing with moon sand, and finger painting… I go to work. I don’t have a typical mom job. Not by a long shot.
I’m an escort.
Not an escort of the Ford Motor Co. variety. But an honest to goodness escort. The sort they make jokes about whenever Eliot Spitzer’s name comes up.
I have sexual contact with men and am paid for the time I spend with them.
Scoop those jaws up off of the floor, moms and dads, because it’s true. And it could happen to you.
I don’t mean you’ll be trafficked into sex work by some skeevy creeper on the internet — I mean that you may some day be in a position you never dreamed you’d be in doing things you never saw yourself doing in order to make ends meet.
I’m a bisexual mama raising my child in queer-friendly home
Can you identify as bisexual and "reap heterosexuality's benefits" by being pregnant?
Let me rewind to the beginning.
I was a well-educated stay-at-home mom. My husband didn’t make millions but he made enough that if we lived frugally, we were comfortable without an additional income. Then one day, he pulled the rug out from under me. He informed me that he had fallen in love with another woman. And then he left. Just like that. Years of marriage down the drain. Three children, a dog, and a cat together. None of that was enough to make him stay.
So there I was, a young single mom with three children, an apartment, and pets to provide for. I tried getting jobs, but nothing worked. The salary was never high enough and the hours were never acceptable. I have one school-aged child, a toddler, and an infant. I could have put the youngest two into daycare, but there would be nobody to walk my school-aged child to and from school safely. I have no family, no close friends, no support network, no church, no friendly neighbors, absolutely nothing.
I tried to go to the government, but there was no help there. Every job I could find made enough to disqualify me from welfare programs (no Food Stamps, no Temporary Assistance, no Daycare Assistance, nothing) but never enough to make ends meet. My biggest problem was my student loans. None of those public assistance organizations take student loan repayment into account. I spend more on repaying my student loans than all of my other bills COMBINED. If I default on those, I’ll never be able to get ahead. The interest and penalties will continue to build, and I’ll be financially sunk. I don’t get to file bankruptcy on student loans.
Then one day I bumped into an old college girlfriend at the grocery store. We spent some time catching up and I asked her, out of the blue, if she was still in the escorting business. You see, she put herself through college without a single loan, and without having to work her fingers to the bone in order to make ends meet. She did it by escorting. When I asked her back then how she did it, and she told me, I was horrified. I still adored her, I just couldn’t believe how a person could do such a thing.
My, how I have changed in the few years that have passed.
Here I spent all of these years of marriage living frugally and getting an education while raising my little family, and it all blew up in my face.
So my friend from college gave me the contact info that I needed to get involved with her coordinator in the business. I researched. I made calls. I read blogs. I lurked on forums. I was so afraid. But already the collections calls were coming in, my pantry was empty and I knew if I was going to make it, I was going to have to do something that horrifies most people — something that used to horrify me, too.
And you know what? It’s not horrible. I don’t hate my life. In fact, sometimes I think I have it better than most American moms. I work on the evenings and weekends the kids are at their father’s place (a total of two weekends and four weekdays every month). They never even know I’m gone. Then when they are with me, I get to be a devoted single stay-at-home mom.
I’m very careful to have various safeguards in place and I work with a top-notch company that caters to extremely wealthy clients. I don’t put ads on the internet, I don’t hook up with people on Craigslist, nothing like that. I’m about as safe as I can possibly be in the unsafe world of a sex worker.
It’s not an easy job, it’s not glamorous, and I know that most people reading this will be looking down their noses just SURE that they would never do anything so demeaning or degrading.
It’s not an easy job, it’s not glamorous, and I know that most people reading this will be looking down their noses just SURE that they would never do anything so demeaning or degrading. But I’m happy that I am able to provide for my kids. I’m glad we’re not living in a homeless shelter, begging in the streets. I’m glad they are warm, I’m glad they have food in their bellies, and I’m relieved that I can provide them with the basics that they need, and a few extra goodies when they’ve been especially well-behaved.
Being a parent is hard work. If it weren’t for my kids, I’m not sure what I’d be doing right now. One thing is certain: when I say that I would do anything for my kids….I mean it.
Thank you for writing this 🙂 Your honesty is appreciated and so is your devotion to your children.
You are amazing. And though most people say they would do anything, a lot of people aren’t strong enough to make a decision like that. Good for you!
What an interesting story! I really enjoyed reading it! Thank you so much for sharing.
“. One thing is certain: when I say that I would do anything for my kids….I mean it.” This really hit me. You are one strong woman and I applaud you for doing what you do for your children.
And thank you OBM for not shying away from uncomfortable stories. This is what will always keep me reading!
COMPLETELY AGREE 🙂
Well done, you. I think it’s admirable that you are providing for your kids financially, but even better that you get to be there for them physically! I have often thought about becoming a sex worker (phone sex) to bring in some extra cash while I stay home with my toddler, but I don’t have the connections you have and it’s a tough industry to break into. I think you’re doing a great job and I admire you!
I want to thank the author for writing this piece. Also:
I worked in phone sex for over two years. This was about eight years ago, and even then the industry was on the downswing due to webcam stuff being more popular. Also, the money was okay, but not amazing by any means.
Wow. Thanks for being so open. I understand completely why you did it. I am very lucky to live in a country where the welfare available means that I will never have to though.
Kudos to you!
You work 8 days a month, support 3 kids, the pets AND keep a roof over your head and the utilities on?
Not just Kudos – all round awesome hi-5’s.
You’re one of my new heros!
You’re clearly a mom who knows that your kids are a number one priority. As a newly single mom myself I can appreciate the panick of suddenly having it all fall on your shoulders. Screw the judgmental folks, you’re doing what it takes to provide for your kids…that’s to be admired.
Anonymous, I commend you for writing your story. I’m not sure if you want to continue with this kind of career for the rest of your life, but whatever you do, I hope you continue to be as happy as you sound in this article. One thing I do wonder on, which relates to the previous statement, is what will happen to your career once your children get older? Do you think this is a lifelong endeavour or is it temporary until you figure out your next career? Not judging, just interested.
Thank you for the positive comment! I definitely do NOT plan on having this as a forever career. Most escorts have to retire relatively early for obvious reasons…we don’t stay young forever! Although there are a number of very successful older escorts as well.
My two goals are to get my student loans completely paid off and save up enough to have a significant down payment for a home (maybe even buy one outright!). At that point I will be financially secure enough to be able to have a ‘regular job’ at a ‘regular wage’ and not have to worry about being destitute and not able to pay the bills.
I don’t think I would call this a career choice- just a means to an end!
Thank you again!
you are my hero
I’m reading this very belatedly, but I’m definitely curious (and totally supportive, btw – go, you!) about what you’d need to do in order to get a mortgage using the money from this work. I just bought my first home in September and my bank wanted a minimum of two years’ employment history at the same job. Is there a…title that banks would like that you’d be able to use on mortgage applications? Because that would be awesome. 🙂 Best of luck to you!
It’s always really refreshing to hear a different perspective than women who are unhappy/unsafe/on drugs and whatever else in the sex industry. I’m glad you have found a situation which suits you and your family!! Thanks for sharing this!
Wow that’s an awesome post! You’ve got some balls to say what you said.. I know a couple people who have done escorting, and really its not as bad as some people think.. I’ve even contemplated doing it! If you can get in with a good company then its worth it! I have 2 kids of my own and we are barely making ends meet. So I truely think that your decision was a good one.. You get to play stay at home mom during the day then do whatever at night 🙂 like I said I know plenty of women who have done it.. I think you’d have to be pretty comfortable in your own skin to do it of course but if you are then heck yeah!
RESPECT! Sometimes you do what you gotta do. But you have the right attitude…you’re doing it all for your babies.
I agree kudos for your honesty and bravery sharing your journey. Be careful out there! Even wealthy guys can be crazy!! Stay safe! I’d love an update in a few years;).
yes! I would love to see follow up posts from this author.
I’d love to give some updates in the future! I’m not certain what people would want to read about but I bet I could come up with some interesting material.
I’d be really curious to hear what you tell your kids about your work, especially as they get older.
I certainly do not plan on still doing this when they are old enough to ask questions about my career.
ESCANDALO!
I love it.
Thank you so much for writing this. I was wondering, how do you prevent your ex-husband from knowing what your job is, or is that an issue? I unfortunately know of mothers who have had their occupation used against them when it comes to child custody, etc.
So far this has not been an issue at all. As much as what he did to me was a supremely asshole thing to do, he would never try to take the children from me.
But how do you handle your income/taxes, etc?
By the way, thank you for your article, it was brave and beautiful of you to share.
I imagine the company has a discreet LLC name that doesn’t raise any eyebrows.
Do I think you’re a bad person for doing what you have to do to provide for yourself and your children? No. Not at all. Not even a little bit.
But I think our society is totally fucked if this is what it comes to. When men can just leave their families like that and not provide for their own children. When extended family is so fragmented there isn’t support for when members need help. That’s not okay at all.
I think it’s a little presumptuous to assume that the reason the author doesn’t have extended familial support is because her family “is so fragmented.” Sometimes families are small–think only child. Sometimes everyone else in your family is struggling as much or more than you. Sometimes your family is fragmented, but I’m not sure what that has to do with making tough decisions like how to care for your children.
thank you for this intriguing post. as mamas we sacrifice so much and working-no matter what the industry– is just another form of sacrifice for our kids. i appreciate your honesty!
you are a total inspiration! making shit happen to take care of your kids. thanks for sharing your story!
Your amazing and so brave. I think most mums if they really thought about it, would be open to that option if they wedding themselves in your situation.
Would you be open to a question?
Of course!
Thank you!
Do you have a plan in your head about how to deal if your children ever find out? I ask as there is something in my past (not disimilar) that i always worry my daughter will find out about. I would love to hear how you would deal.
Please feel free to say you’d rather not answer 🙂 it may be a bit personal.
That wedding should be found btw…
Another reason I do not judge anyone for their choices in life. Once you know the story and begin to understand their choices there is no room for judgment.
I have student loans and I owe just under 100,000 in loans. Our welfare system refuses to acknowledge them and they think we should be doing great on what little means we have. Some days I just cry and even now I must admit I actually started considering this woman’s story to help my husband and my son. In Idaho it is against the law to be an escort for sex so many of these escort services are just for dating. Many of my friends did it and they could say no to sex and still be paid. But I know I could never tell anyone. And I know many people would snub their nose at me. Even my family.
I’ve had so many jobs that I’ve found more degrading than I think escorting would be. Thank you for writing this.
Thank you for sharing your story. You sound like a beautiful (in-side) and strong women. Many people play victim to these situations and crumble under the weight. You have done what you can do for the betterment of your children and your self. Bravo!!
Side note: I really wish we lived in an nonjudgmental society where a person can have a lovely evening with a beautiful women with out their being a commitment. In other words, I wish escorts could be escorts legally every where and our society would not shove their noises in the clouds looking down on people who are in the sex industry. We all have sex. Why is it so shameful?
Any if we can pay people to service us with their words, their voices, their ability to teach us or heal us – why can’t we pay them for physical companionship? I am a “sex within marriage” type myself, but going to the bar and hooking up with someone drunk seems a lot less classy than a business deal. And preventing women and men from using a talent of charisma and physical ability seems hypocritical. If we can fully legalize the escort industry and bring it out into the open and make it safe and supported, that seems like a much better option than demonizing it!
Hey, I’ve thought about it, I was in basically the same boat. It’s impossible to get ahead when the system is the way it is, if you make one penny over their income limits, they yank the rug out from under you. And while they think you make “too much,” it’s never enough to make ends meet, especially without some type of assistance.
Props to you, I wouldn’t even know how to break into it, especially not safely.
Thanks for sharing! I’m so glad to hear that you are in a safe environment that allows you to live and provide for your kids — and I’m sorry your husband treated you like that. Rock the hell on. ♥
We weren’t there, not yet, but I won’t lie — until extremely recently and if not for an extremely forgiving landlord, we were staring down the barrel of “what if’s” that scared me awake at night. (
“It’s not an easy job, it’s not glamorous, and I know that most people reading this will be looking down their noses just SURE that they would never do anything so demeaning or degrading.”
Never. But I am so angry for you. I understand that you are ok with what you do but it is different from wanting to do what you do. It’s just not fair.
Also, you must be good looking. Because every once in a while, when baby daddy says something about how I don’t make much money, I think, I will show him but then I think, who the hell would pay for my…not teenage, post partum bod???
Be strong.
Hey you’d be surprised! I have a not-even-remotely teenage body and have three kids!