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Kids are notorious for saying all kinds of random shit — the show Kids Say the Darndest Things didn’t exist for no reason. My own son had us literally LOLing recently, so I shared what he said on the Offbeat Mama Facebook page:
The other day our three-year-old told us: “When I grow up I’m going to drink wine. When you grow down you can drink juice.”
I thought it would be fun to open the topic up for discussion… and here are some of your favorite one or two-liners from your own offspring!
Jessi A.: ”If you see a dinosaur, you need to RUN” and when asked why a frog might play dead (in our fish tank) “Because that’s his choice and he can do it if he wants to” — both by my four-year-old niece
Karen W.: This morning as my just eight-year-old started asking about how his aunt and uncle were going to go about making a baby, I explained that would be something he’d know a bit later… He said “I still think the baby comes out of your belly button!” I said “Well, they grow in a woman’s belly but have to exit through the bottom exit,” and he yelled “I CAME OUTTA YOUR FEET???”
Heather U.: (as I’m getting out of bed in the early AM) my three-year-old says to me…”Woah momma… your hair looks rid-dic-u-wus… your still bee-ti-ful to me though.”
Kelly M.: Not my kid, but a cousin: “You know what you see when you look in the mirror? Yourself, in 20 years, when you’re a grandmom.” I should clarify that the target of the statement doesn’t currently have any kids.
Candice L.: My four-year-old told me while we were eating breakfast a month ago: “Mom, I love girls. But, don’t worry, my sister will like boys” I laughed so hard. The way she said it, so serious.
Mich C.: ”It’s raining hard, I don’t want my eyebrows to get wet” — said in a very serious manner by a three-year-old boy.
Let’s keep it going! What are your favorite things that have come out of your kiddo’s mouth?
Our daughter, who is 4, is constantly making us laugh with some great one-liners and funny quotes:
(At 2 years old): “I be dangerous. I go time-out. I get free.” (obviously we’re raising a felon, haha!)
(At 2.5 to her new baby sister who was wearing a brightly colored striped onesie): “You look like a grumpy lollipop!”
(At 3, to that same sister, who was just learning to make noise): “Gilly, it is not a talent show!”
(At 3, when overhearing her dad practicing some things he needed to memorize):
Dad says: “The Chief…”
Abby says” -IS NOT PREPARED!”
– that one had us rolling
(Just the other night, when Dad walked in the door from work): “Dad, did you know some people are allergic to kids?”
Hahaha, we love listening to her!
While playing in the park, one child picks up a dandelion and blows the seeds everywhere. The other child asks, very seriously, ‘Is that bubbles?!’|
I even caught the conversation on video!
Riley is 2.5, when we laugh at something she does or says she frowns, crosses her arms and says “I am NOT funny! I am Riley!”
Officially fenced in our backyard to keep the wild animals IN. haha. My 2 yo runs out, takes one look very excited and says “MY KENNEL!!!” OK, so he has a point… 🙂
Though she is only 17 months old our daughter already has said some really fantastic stuff.
Recently while sitting around shirtless she grabbed her chest said, “boob!” while signing milk. she then attempted to try to tilt her head down to her own chest while making sipping sounds.
when my step-daughter was 3, she was walking with her daddy. And as a three-year old she was walking behind him. And suddenly her dad heard “oh shit!” As he turned around to say that is inappropriate for a young girl, he noticed that she was looking at her shoe which had low and behold dog shit on it.
My son and I were getting ready to go out for the day. I picked out some clothes for him to wear. It was a tank top and shorts. After getting dressed he walks into the bathroom with me and looks me straight in the face as he says “Mommy, This shirt makes me look like a creep…”I was speechless.
I was 21 working in a day care. Two kindergarten boys were at the door asking for me. One who is very onery says “Will says you’re a foxy mama!” Poor shy quiet Will was so stunned, he turned bright red and couldnt speak!
This one isn’t even from a kid I know, but a good one anyway. Once, at the end of a flight, there was a bunch of turbulence as we were landing. We were bumping around pretty hard and frequently making those sudden dips that make your stomach drop like you’re on a roller coaster. Everyone was feeling pretty tense and no one was talking and then, right after one really big dip, a toddler in the middle of the plane shouted in their most sing-song voice: “Uh Oh!” It completely cut the tension and everyone on the plane started cracking up.