Plus size lingerie for sexytimes all the time

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#Style & Grooming#fashion#plus size
No time to make my bed -- there are selfies to take.
No time to make my bed — there are selfies to take.
Do you have any fashion advice for larger people when it comes to lingerie?

I’m pretty stumped.

Not only do I have trouble finding something sexy that fits and doesn’t look matronly, but I also need some advice on how to finally feel confident enough to actually wear it in front of someone.

Oh baby, yes. I love lingerie. It’s like getting to plan another outfit under your outfit. This is a two-part question, so first let’s talk sexy underthings. Then, I’ll talk about feeling sexy in those underthings.

What type of lingerie are you looking for?

First: determine what you think you might like when it comes to lingerie. Are you looking for a corset? Bra and panty sets? Stockings? Garters? All of the above? It can depend on what your intended use is (is this just for dressing up, or are these undergarments meant to be worn daily?) and what your personal style is (vintage, goth, steampunk, classic, etc.). Recognize that there are lots of great plus size lingerie options that don’t give a fuck about “minimizing” anything — and that it’s okay if you don’t, either. Remember that your tastes might change once you start to buy things and figure out what works best with your body.

What size are you?

It’s vital to any positive shopping experience to know your size. Plus size clothing in general will be labeled strangely and differently for every store or brand, so having actual measurements is key. This will allow you to find websites and stores that carry your size and immediately remove the frustration associated with “I love this but they don’t make it in my size.” I’m a US dress size 18, but lots of the stores I shop at have lingerie up to US size 30 and above. Stay positive in your search and don’t get discouraged by sites whose plus size models are smaller than you. Remember that all body types and sizes deserve to look sexy if they want, including yours.

If you need help taking your measurements, you can go to a lingerie store or ask a friend. Be wary of labels like “queen” which are usually some ridiculous grouping of sizes like “size 18 and up.” Shop at stores where your specific size is stocked. Please note: you can’t return lingerie because of hygienic concerns, so make sure to have your measurements!

Shop shop shop

Alright: we have a basic idea in mind and our measurements in hand. Now comes the fun part. My advice for shopping: try not to get frustrated when things don’t work out. Concentrate on all the options you have (now that you know your size and where to shop). Stay positive. Get excited.

If you’re stumped about what stores are available in your area, Google it. You might get lucky and find forums where other people are discussing the best plus size shopping in town. Pinterest searches can help, too.

I do all my clothes shopping online, so here are some of my suggestions. Please feel free to leave any others in the comments. All of these ship worldwide — though shipping can be expensive when outside the US. (I’m Canadian — believe me, I know.)

Domino Dollhouse:
Sizes up to 48″ bust, 46″ waist, and 56″ hips
Pros: Models are larger than typical plus size models; customer reviews are posted on the site
Cons: Very limited range

Sock Dreams
Socks, garters, leggings, stockings, and tights.
Pros: Very helpful customer service; models are larger than typical plus size models; customer reviews are posted on the site
Cons: Very wide variety of what is available in each size. Not necessarily a con — just be mindful before you fall in love with something that it might not come in all sizes.

ModCloth
Sizes up to 56″ bust, 49″ waist, 60″ hips
Pros: Incredible customer service; customer reviews posted on the site. The waist corselet in my pic is from ModCloth and is available up to US size 22.
Cons: Limited products in largest sizes

Torrid
Sizes up to 55″ bust, 48″ waist, and 57″ hips
Pros: Customer reviews on the site
Cons: Quality is not necessarily the highest on every piece

Hips and Curves
Sizes up to 60″ bust, 50″ waist, and 62″ hips
Pros: Lots of variety, as well as steampunk and other specialty/costume styles
Cons: Sizing charts are difficult to understand

Get pieces in your favourite colours. Get pieces that are comfortable or pieces that are daring. Get pieces that you’ll want to wear every day or only on “special occasions.” Get the pieces you think are sexy. And then make them sexy by adorning your sexy self with them.

Feel fucking rad about wearing your new lingerie

You now have the perfect underthings outfit. The first thing I want you to do is dress up — for just yourself. Put on fancy shoes. Add accessories. Do your hair and make-up if that’s your thing. Strut around your room like it’s a fucking runway. Answer emails in your garter belt and see how awesome the straps feel when you stand up and sit down. Check yourself out when you pass every reflective surface in your home. Say to yourself, out loud, “God damn I look good.” Wear your lingerie under your regular clothes and smirk to yourself as if you’re hiding something fantastic — because you are. When you can’t take it anymore because you’re too turned on by yourself, masturbate. Do this often. Remember: feeling sexy doesn’t have to be for anyone but yourself . Be selfish in your sexiness until you decide that someone else deserves to experience it, too.

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If you decide to share it, remember that there are lots of ways to share sexiness other than wearing lingerie on a date. Have you browsed the literally hundreds of blogs run by plus size people of any gender fucking rocking their sexy selves on tumblr? Get inspired by these babes. Maybe even post your own selfies in your new outfit. I do it, and it has been a great confidence booster. By building my confidence and self-love like this, it made it far easier to dress up in person. Now I’m posting lingerie selfies on Offbeat Home, so — there you go. Everyone struggles with confidence issues to an extent, and sex is a pretty good equalizer when it comes to nerves. Keep your thoughts and words positive affirmations about your own sexiness and remember the corny-but-true adage that confidence is the sexiest thing anyone can wear.

About the Author: Caroline

@drechyng @carolinediezyn

Caroline was the Offbeat Empire copyeditor from 2011-2015. Caroline is a Canadian genderweird witch and literature PhD student living and working in Toronto. They love art and powerlifting, and they spend their free time with their black cat and familiar, Zee.

Comments on Plus size lingerie for sexytimes all the time

  1. So awesome! Thank you so much for sharing!

    I definitely support measurements. Pay attention to those things! Sock Dreams is a perfect case. I love them. Seriously love them. But carefully read measurements. I have bought socks from their “Plus Size” category and they do tell you how big the calves stretch at maximum width. Pay attention to this. I have some awesome knee high trouser socks (aka knee high nylon-style socks) but some of their other socks don’t stretch all that much and dig in a little. I was warned on the site, which I really appreciate.

    Definitely second trying things out and walking around being sexy. Figuring out what styles you like is important, as is being aware that cheaper clothing is going to vary in size from item to item. I bought 5 pairs of underwear from Addition Elle (Canadian plus size store that does have some lingerie) and every single pair fit differently, even the 3 that were the same style with different colours. I can still wear them but argh!

    Another plus to parading around by yourself in your new sexy outfits is getting comfortable in them. It took me a while to get used to how different things fit and if I don’t try it at home and “break it in” so to speak, then I’m tugging and squirming and feeling a lot less sexy when I wear it out under other clothing, which makes it harder to feel sexy.

  2. Eeeeeeee.
    I’m a US size 24 (46DD bra) and I’ve had lots of good luck finding sexy lingerie at Lane Bryant/Cacique. The sales staff is always really happy to help you and they’ll measure you if you need. I got a matching red bra, ruffly cheeky panty and a lovely garter belt for something like $60 total.
    I recently purchased a leather corset on ebay, which was beyond out of my comfort zone, but it ended up being my favourite thing I’ve ever owned in history, ever. I looked up the maker and consulted the sizing chart on their website, then compared myself to shots of the original owner wearing it (which I found via Twitter by being an eCreep.) I got it on a great discount and I had the assurance that, yes, this would probably fit my body. Here’s a grainy photo of me wearing it.
    For me, it was key to wear the items for myself for a while, to really werk it in the mirror and appreciate that I looked like a fricking gift in my fripperies. Selfies have been a total confidence booster for me. eFriends who are encouraging, body positive and fun are great to have, too.

  3. Depending on what you are hoping to purchase, also consider broadening search past what “lingerie” means.
    What do you feel sexy in that you already have access to? or is there a fantasy role you would like to try out?

    possibilities: man’s shirt or oversize t-shirt, a high quality set of underwear/bra in your favourite colour, a super short skirt, a feather boa, a stethoscope, a ruler, a mask, a certain way of wearing your hair, wearing nothing but a pair of jeans that you love the fit of

    it might be a starting point to gain some confidence and to get an idea of what you might want to invest in

    also if you have a partner, what would they like to see you in? if its something you are comfortable wearing, their reaction might be a great boost too!

  4. I have nothing of substance to add other than this post makes me really, really happy. The online suggestions are great because I live in Alaska and have a fairly limited supply of plus-size friendly lingerie stores.

  5. Thank you for the plus size shopping post. I am a big fan of Lane Bryant for bras, I live in Canada so when I do get to the US, I stock up on things because I like to try them on in store if possible. My husband has ordered a few things from Hips & Curves for me and they have great choices, and I think he enjoys browsing a web site with beautiful and truly plus size models, if you know what I mean.
    Addition Elle and Penningtons can get some very cute things in but I find my size sells out quickly, apparently I am the average in plus size, so you just have to check in with them once in a while and see what they have in stock. Have fun shopping for cute things, enjoy it, I think plus size women look really amazing in the lingerie, don’t be shy, show those curves off.

    • Thank you for reading! I’m glad to hear you’ve found some good resources. Thanks for sharing them, too. I haven’t tried Addition Elle or Penningtons yet, because I found them a bit expensive — and I’m annoyed that shipping isn’t free in Canada. But some of it is veeeeery pretty.

  7. I am a horrible shopper, so totally clueless on that, but on the feeling sexy side of things, my gateway drug into fancy-ish lingerie was buying bras and panties that matched. Not particularly revolutionary, I know, but it had never occurred to me until a friend suggested it when I was 24. Even now, with some seriously sexier options in my drawer, when I put on solid black panties and a solid black bra to go to work, I feel like I’m hiding something extra special under my clothes.

    • I always feel like i’m being a SUPER COMPETENT ADULT by having matching underwear. I always try to wear them to job interviews and the such, just for that little boost of feeling like I can totally do this shit!

  10. I got my first corset ever at a ren faire this past summer, but I went to a vendor that a few of my friends who adore corsets wear. She gave me a proper fitting for it and she really took my wants into consideration and made it a really great experience.

    You also need to figure out of if you’re looking for something just gauzy that you’ll take off in about ten minutes or so, or if you want something with more support that can last for a date or an all-day event. For example, I’ve got lingerie that doesn’t support my boobs at all, but it’s okay because I wear it with the explicit purpose to have my partner take it off me. I have other lingerie that actually has support but is still sexy, like a push-up bra. (I also have super unsexy underwear that is hot only in the respect that it has more fabric in it)

    Shopping in stores really helps you figure out what you want, but sometimes for plus-sizes or other reasons you’ll prefer to shop online. Make sure you read the return policy before you order! Hips and Curves actually has a pretty good return policy, as does Lane Bryant and that family of stores. I’ve also worked a lot of retail, so if you get something and you don’t like the style/fit/size/color/direction of the wind, you can generally return it — just keep the receipt or contact the vendor within a week of getting it. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t keep it.

    As for wearing it in front of someone, what I did was I wore my first piece of sexy underthings while I was on a date with my partner at the time. I had no intention of showing it to him (that night at least), but knowing I was wearing something racy was pretty hot. If you’re already in a relationship, then I say just go for it. The look on my current partner’s face when I stepped out of the bathroom in my first babydoll was pretty priceless. He sees me in my unsexy things and still finds me attractive.

  11. Ideally you can find a specialty shop that has a little old eastern european lady that tells you to whip’em out so she can measure each boob individually.

    If you can’t find such a shop then I’d recommend Nordstrom’s (Look, once you size out of Victoria Secret you are not going to find a comfortable bra that’s cheap.That’s the unfortunate fact of boobage measured in acerage.) They have very knowledgeable (and patient) fitters who WILL make sure you are wearing the right size. They will likely have your size *in the store to try on* (seriously, I fall between a 34HHH and a 36HH and they have a VARIETY of brands and styles for me to try on.) And returns don’t get much easier than Nordstrom’s. And so much pretty! No joke, I literally had tears in my eyes the first time I tried on a pretty bra (brown and teal lace) and it fit.

    I think you will be amazed at the increased level of sexy and confident you suddenly feel when you finally get that pretty underwear that fits.

  12. I just bought some corsets from Orchard Corsets and they have plus size steel-boned corsets and they were a very reasonable price. they also give very specific directions (and videos) on how to get the correct fit and what kind of corset would be good for your body. Here is the link to their website: http://www.OrchardCorset.com

  13. I’ve lived exclusively in Lane Bryant bras since I sized out of a D cup in high school. At this point it’s pretty much the only bra I ever wear, and the only thing I buy from Lane Bryant anymore is sexy bras.

    I am also a big fan of Torrid. I have several bras. They aren’t the best quality, but they’re also a little more risque, meant for sexy times rather than the daily grind of holding up my boobs. The thing I found at Torrid that I hadn’t found anywhere else is a true plus-sized stocking and garter belt set that didn’t break the bank. My husband loves the look of thigh-highs but the usual stockings always cut into my leg fat unflatteringly. Found these stockings and damn, do I look hawt. http://www.torrid.com/torrid/Lingerie/Hosiery/ThighHighs/Black+Lace-Up+Lace+Trim+Thigh+Highs-540808.jsp

    • Re: stockings
      I hear the complaint a lot that thigh highs are digging in (and it’s definitely my experience, too.) I tend to find that’s most often the case with thigh highs that are made to stay up on their own. They have this rubbery band inside that’s meant to grip your leg. It has the unfortunate side effect of preventing the tops of the stockings from stretching.
      If you haven’t tried it, try stockings that aren’t meant to stay up on their own–the tops are usually quite stretchy so that they can be held up by different garter belts. Hips and Curves seems to note when a pair is meant to stay up on their own. On Torrid, you can usually see the band in the stockings when you zoom in. Garter belt-friendly stockings are almost always shown with a garter belt, and usually the top looks like it’s tugged up a bit by the tension in the garter belt straps.

        • I got so excited to see your link to a stocking store I hadn’t found yet. I spent MONTHS last summer and lots of wasted money trying to find flattering thigh highs (stay-ups and garter stockings) and ended up fashioning some out of pantyhose with the help of a friend that totally failed after only a couple hours of wear. There appear to be no stockings for those of us who are tall with thick-as-honey thighs. 🙁

  14. Okay, I recommend this site on every. single. lingerie post on the Offbeat Empire.

    I can’t say how they are for large band sizes, but for me and others I know with small(ish) bands and gigantic cups (depending on the bra/style I’m a 34-36 JJ-K) they have lots of selection, and they just added sexy lingerie!

    http://www.ewa-michalak.pl/ They are in Poland, but the shipping isn’t too bad, and their return policy is good. Their stock tends to fluctuate a bit, so if they don’t have your size in stock you can usually request it, or check back in a couple weeks.

    I also recommend Corset Story (http://www.corsets-uk.com/) for corsets. If you follow their facebook page they have really good sales sometimes, and if you’re worried about your boobs not fitting in (like me) go for an underbust! They have some you can attach garters to if you find some sexy thigh-highs 😉

  16. I just can’t do any corset anymore unless it’s steel boned. I’ll go as far as to say that I’m a little bit addicted to my steel boned corsets. They don’t warp or distort their shapes, the back support is to die for, and of course you can adjust how tight you make them. Anything with plastic boning now just feels flimsy. I get my corsets at http://www.corset-story.com. They offer several corsets in plus sizes and the prices for steel boned corsets are quite reasonable. They also offer a good knowledge base on corset wearing. Sometimes shipping is a little slow, though.

    I’d also like to suggest that everyone here check out http://www.reddit.com/r/abrathatfits. I was wearing a 42D for AGES. I checked my measurements against their guide and was skeptical…like WAAAAY skeptical. So I went to Lane Bryant and tried on a DD. I noticed that I had “armpit flab” (it’s actually breast tissue!) and did the “scoop and swoop.” Quadraboob. So I tried on an E. And then an F. Yeah, I’m a 40 F. My boobs have never looked better. Heed the gospel of the bravangelists, ladies. Wearing the right bra is AWESOME.

  18. I’ve had a lot of luck with torrid, lane bryant also. Also not as often but when it happens sometimes the Avenue. As far as corsets I have purchased from http://www.corset-story.com/ … I have gotten the type for undergarments (used a nice white one under my wedding dress and it helped my posture in addition to giving me a good shape). I have also purchased from them for use in ren faire costumes. [They will sometimes have awesome sales.] I think my now husband got a kick out of lacing me into the corsets when they first arrived, because you of course have to make sure they fit.

  19. I also have a hard time finding lingerie that is sexy and “me” but for a different reason than many of you have – I am almost completely flat chested. Anything with an underwire is comical and a waste of perfectly good wire. Anything with gathering or ruching on the cup is too big and I am not able to “fill it out”. I usually look for something that doesn’t even have a “cup” per se. I have found one baby doll lingerie set in my lifetime that actually fit. I would love to see a blog entry that deals with my end of the chest spectrum. It’s hard to feel seductive in a sport’s bra.

  20. ModCloth has awesome dresses and shoes. I didn’t know they started carrying corsets. Just beware that their sizing is a wee bit smaller than usual on most items. You may want to size up. They do have an excellent return policy, I’ve never had any problems returning anything. It seems like they have started posting ” size up” on items that run smaller.

  22. No one seems to have mentioned http://www.brastop.com or http://www.herroom.com. I’ve had great luck with both, though I prefer HerRoom (sorry, not gender neutral!) now because they’re in the US and I’ve done better with shipping/returns.

    HerRoom also has a great “Know Your Breasts” quiz which is helpful in finding sizes/styles: http://www.herroom.com/know-your-breasts/Questions.aspx. I knew what size I was, but was finding that certain brands didn’t fit as well. This helped to guide me in the right direction!

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