Creating a safe and happy home in a dangerous space
We very intentionally moved to our current home after a series of not-quite-right trials elsewhere in the country. In such a site, we saw our lives unfolding with love, adventure, and fresh air. And then, we lived in the home for a year, and realized things were not the way they had first seemed. The less pleasant characteristics of our neighborhood began to creep in, and their severity ranged from small to glaring.
Avoiding turbulence: Keep in contact with family at home while traveling abroad
When we started planning our first international family trip, we had a few co-parenting hoops to jump through; negotiation and compromise is often the name of the co-parenting game. For this trip to happen, I had to assure my son’s father that he would continue to have the routine contact he enjoys in our daily life, and that we would keep him apprised of our travel plans. As I sat down to work all the kinks out in this travel agreement, I learned several valuable lessons we will continue to employ as we enjoy traveling as a family and keeping all branches of our family tree satisfied and smiling.
Having a baby didn’t stop us from touring with our band — we just bring him along
While there are plenty of things that haven’t made touring any more difficult with our baby, there are also plenty of considerations we take that probably seem first nature by now. We have to figure out nap times. We keep bedtime in mind. We’re always surveying our venues, hangouts, and potential non-motor-home sleeping quarters for baby-friendliness. Luckily, we’re self-sufficient: we have two forms of heat (propane and electric), plenty of blankets, and everything we need inside our mobile house.
How can we make a non-sucky adoption profile?
My husband and I are beginning the open adoption process, and it’s time to make a profile. We’re Offbeat Lite (yoga, geeky, vegan, non-Christian), and all of the samples I’ve seen online look like Pinterest threw up on them. I want expectant parents to get to know us — after all, they’ll be part of our family — but I’m dealing with pressure to conform to the script of “loving couple describes each other lovingly while lovingly waxing poetic about the loving love they have to give your lovely child.”
Of mothers and daughters and loudmouths
I look mostly like my father, but I got my mother’s mouth.
The second oldest of four girls, my mother was always one of the loud ones. She talked loud. She sang loud. At her Catholic boarding school, she was always popular among her peers, known for being outgoing and gregarious. She became a hippy and strummed the loudest campfire guitar. She became a midwife and founded a national organization and spoke loudly at international women’s health conferences. For her 50th birthday, she produced an entire CD of her songs, and threw a big party for herself. She started the night by announcing into the microphone, “Everyone, please be quiet and stop talking. It’s time for me to sing.”
How my native language and Down syndrome shifted my perspectives on privilege
There’s a word in Korean “삐딱이”, or “bbiddaki.” I’ve heard it translated as “rebel,” but my mom says it is closer to “sarcastic.” I think a very literal translation would be “one who stands crookedly.” I’ve been chewing this over for a while, and I think my peeps are onto something…
Triangles, boundaries, and Spidey Senses: Ending relationships with difficult family members
Remember that post about how to maintaining a relationship with difficult family members? I’m about to drop some deep family secrets on this site today. My solution to maintaining relationships with difficult siblings is this: Fucking DON’T. I don’t know if I can offer the definitive advice on the topic of ditching difficult family members, but I can offer up a few insights from my own 30+ years of experience…
How and why endometriosis caused me to voluntarily become a single mother at 22
I know that I am the one who needs to get up with her every time, without exception. I have no one to be angry and resentful towards because they don’t live up to whatever expectations I have put in place for them. I’ll never worry about a custody battle or if her dad will let her get a tattoo after I say no. Doing everything yourself is immeasurably easier when you know that is the case from the start. Sure, there are great men out there and resentment is not always the case — I just prefer the ease of not worrying about maintaining a relationship along with my other responsibilities. A personal choice, for sure, but I would do it again in a heartbeat.