Family member in the middle: Being stuck between two family members who aren’t talking to each other
Every adult family relationship dynamic is different. For me, our difficulty is that my older brother, who I am very close to, will not talk to our dad. My brother knows I will not cut contact with our dad, even though he feels I should. He has respect for my desire for a relationship with my dad. Still, being trapped in the middle is difficult. Here’s how navigate this tricky “family member in the middle” situation…
The Cherry Cordial Revolution: Do I help Grandma, or do I follow the rules?
At 96, my Grandma Clara Yeager was pissed. Dad and his siblings sent her to live at Woodbridge Nursing Home. We visited her once a week while Grandma groused at Dad for putting her there in the first place. One day, a nurse took Dad out of the room for a private chat. My sister wasn’t there that day, and Grandma took the occasion to make a request — bring her some cherry cordials. Grandma rarely talked to me, much less made a direct request so I didn’t ask why — my dad returned to the room and it was clear this was secret. Do I help Grandma? Or do I follow the rules and refuse to buy Grandma her cherries?
So… why have kids?
I am at the point in my life that I want to decide whether to have kids. In a logical sense, I am able and capable of having children. But I’m not completely satisfied with having kids merely because I can. So I am curious how people, who had the luxury of deciding, decided on having kids? Why should I grow my family?
Families of two: You don’t need kids to “start a family”
I’m married, and, if things go according to plan, we won’t ever have kids. Or, as some of my family members have put it “start a family.” Now, I take issue with that phrase…
How I learned to care less about my family and more about myself
My morning routine revolves entirely around my family. Most days I don’t bother eating breakfast, or making lunch for myself to take to work, because I am too focused on taking care of everyone else. While putting everyone before me can be considered a commendable trait, there is a part of me that realizes that there is a real issue with never allowing myself the opportunity to be important.
Trading a scar for an open wound: Being estranged from my mother
For years, my mother accused me of testing people and trying to see how far I could push them before they left me. She was right about that much, but she never saw the why. And neither did I. Because I was too afraid to admit that terrible truth and to give up the pleasant fiction I had created about my mother. But, like all realities, it was true whether I admitted it or not. And, eventually, even I could no longer pretend and my house of cards crumpled to the ground, leaving me alone, naked of all pretense, and cast out by my mother.
Making babies the lesbian way, and why it might be good for your straight marriage baby-making
A little while ago a friend sends me a message asking for specific details regarding our artichoke jar inseminations. A few days later she sends me a long response thanking me for the information and tells me that she and her husband have been trying to get pregnant, without success, for 10 months now. They have two more months to try to conceive “naturally” before their doctor will give them a referral to a fertility clinic. And in the meantime their marriage is really suffering. Sex has become a chore and they are both frustrated, grumpy, and on edge. Enter: making babies the lesbian way.
Telly gawps and the past tense: Loving and caring for a relative who has alzheimers
It happens slowly at first. You notice little things and you make sense of them, you brush them away with a sort of convoluted logic, not unlike a wish, and you assure yourself it can’t really be happening. It is unthinkable, that someone who is so alive, so bright, brighter than almost anyone, could be dimming. Then you notice more things, and what once was unthinkable becomes undeniable, and all you want to do is to stop it, there must be away to stop it! You can’t just stand back and watch them changing, can you?