Everything I know about marriage I learned from Terry Miller (Dan Savage's husband)

Back in 2006 when I was working a full-time corporate job, while also trying to write what would become Offbeat Bride the book, I almost had a nervous breakdown. Desperate for some guidance and inspiration, I sent an email to my local hero, Dan Savage. His advice was basically that he owed it all to his partner. His then-partner? Terry Miller, who is now (thanks to Washington's marriage laws) Dan's husband. In the 10 years since I had this exchange, I've basically built my het marriage to emulate their gay marriage, and I'm convinced it's been the secret to everything being happy.


Vocabulary gymnastics: What do I call my boyfriend's girlfriend?

I'm polyamorous. So is my boyfriend. And so is his girlfriend. And while polyamory seems to be a frequent topic of discussion right now, society as a whole lacks the vocabulary and the social scripts to navigate poly relationships. This is all a long way of saying I still have no idea how to describe my relationship with my boyfriend's girlfriend.


I have zero expectations about my daughter's future relationships

I think my solution is to refrain from assumptions altogether when I'm in public. I'll stop playing along with other's comments about her getting married one day, or meeting a man, or whatever. At home, I'll adopt new words into my vernacular with her. I'll illustrate differences through play — I can show her two girl Barbies kissing and two Ken dolls kissing.


Comparing polyamory to nigiri: Coming-out as polyamorous

Being polyamorous often involves a decision of when, or if, to come out. In my years of coming out as poly, I was surprised to find that making "I am poly and have two partners" come out of my mouth wasn't the hardest part. And it's not watching the person's brain explode in reaction to my perceived fairy-floaty woo-woo liberal (in so many ways) relationship status. No, it gets tough when they respond.