I was fat-shamed at an Afro-Centric Pregnancy Fair
The other day, I got fat-shamed. When you get fat-shamed often, like every time you turn on a television, it takes a lot to make an impact. My husband, Chris, and I went to our city’s second annual Afro-Centric Pregnancy Fair in Portland, Oregon. I had high hopes of being in a supportive environment of people who care about the unique challenges facing black women as they enter pregnancy, childbirth, and childbearing. I fantasized about talking with midwives, doulas, and new mothers about their amazing experiences and horror stories of hospitals, birth centers, and their living rooms. Instead, I got a major dressing down by a black doctor manning an information table for a clinic.
What is it like working at a sperm bank?
When my partner and I think about starting a family down the road, we know that as two women we will most likely choose to work with a sperm bank. I am positive that route makes the most sense for us and our future family, but I still can’t quite wrap my mind around the idea of a sperm bank. They seem so sci-fi!
My husband is transitioning to female and we want to have kids: how can we make this work?
My husband and I have always been happy to blur the gender lines, but he (current preferred pronoun!) recently told me that he identifies as transgender and wants to transition to presenting as female.
How do you decide which beliefs to pass on to your child?
While discussing all things family related with my fiancee, we were debating whether or not we should raise the kids vegan (I’m vegan, she’s not) or according to my religious beliefs (she’s agnostic and doesn’t follow anything specifically). For us, as a queer couple, this opens some interesting dialogue because if we end up adopting and those kids are older, we don’t necessarily feel right imposing beliefs on someone who is of an age where they can make their own decisions.
We’re thinking about creating a family name — how can we avoid losing our heritage in the process?
My partner and I are thinking about coming up with an entirely new last name for our family — one that isn’t attached to either family in any way. I only have one reservation: names often have a long history attached, and it’s likely we’d want to share this history with our future kids.
Why I’m not letting tragedies stop me from having kids
My thoughts turned to my friend at work who had given birth that day, and her baby who would always share a birthday with this tragedy. I thought of my other friend who is planning on welcoming twins into this world in October and taking the rest of the school year off to be with them. I thought of my childhood best friend whose daughter is almost a year old. And I thought, I am so lucky to be childfree. How do you deal with questions from a young child about why and what happened when these tragedies inevitably take place? I wasn’t even sure what I would tell my high school students in class the next day.
My husband has baby fever and I’m trying to catch it
The concept of my husband thinking about babies proves to be the biggest aphrodisiac for me ever, like nature is saying, “You know you want it…” I feel as a human like I’m just flesh wrapped around a hungry uterus. I obsess over my pregnant friends and those with new babies. I’ve never felt so aware of my own body — that I am suddenly at a time in my life where I could get pregnant and rejoice seems impossible and thrilling.
Have you switched from the pill to Fertility Awareness Method?
I’ve been on the combined pill as contraception constantly for 12 years. It was a choice of convenience and availability back in the day, and I’ve just stuck with it after I met the man who became my husband last year. He’s never really had to participate in any contraception decisions with me, because I’d made a default decision before I met him. We are thinking that kids are definitely on the cards, but not just yet. My husband likes the pill because it is reliable, easy and he doesn’t have to think about it. But I’m really sick and tired of the pill.