Use the buddy system for boring or scary adult tasks
I keep in touch with my best friend Erica via Gchat. When big things happen — breakups, an upcoming interview, travel — we absolutely talk about them, but the continuous all-day connection allowed by Gchat means we started sharing more mundane things as well. We both like to dig in our heels about these things — a lot of adult tasks are boring, and feel difficult, or involve talking to strangers on the phone, and there just never seems to be an end to them. But having a friend to complain to, cheer on, and report back to with successes really helps us put these things in perspective and get them done.
How do you talk about deal-breaker topics?
(Un)Fortunately, we can’t always convince everybody to agree with our personal brand of freedom and equality. By now I have realized that screaming “This is so unfair! Why don’t you want to understand?” is not the smartest way to begin any kind of conversation. How do you cope with constant mentioning of idealogical deal breakers — homophobic, racist, misogynic, and many other discriminatory comments — with people you can’t necessarily break things off with.
How getting engaged made me figure out friendship
Before getting engaged, I also have been pretty shit-terrible about friendship. I’ve fallen out of touch with people I wanted to stay in touch with, I’ve been the kid waiting for an invitation but never proposing, I’ve let fights and misunderstanding end years of friendship. I’ve not always been great about friends. Then I got engaged and moved thousands of miles away from everyone I knew, and had an epiphany about friendships.
Being friends after divorce: Can we act like adults?
After we sign the paperwork, where do we go from here? Do we drift apart as adults and friends usually do or stay involved in each other’s lives? Can we ever get past “what might have been” and move on to “this is where/who we are now”?
What do you say when your friend calls off her wedding?
A dear friend of mine was all set to get married after getting engaged earlier this year, but recently ended the relationship and called off the wedding. I reached out to let her know I was there for her, and to let me know if I could do anything for her. But I just don’t know what to say to comfort her, especially as I plan my own wedding. Has anyone else experienced this? I’d love your insight on how I can help her out during this extremely trying time.
How do you compliment people while staying body-neutral?
I’m working hard to disassociate my happiness and self-esteem from my appearance completely: I don’t want my mood to depend on how I look. The problem is, I really want to be able to affirm my friends and family in the way I want to be affirmed — in ways that recognize their inner awesomeness, and are completely disconnected from how they happen to look like on the outside that day. Usually I’m not stuck for words, but with this I’m stumped. How do you go about affirming people in ways that don’t reference their physical appearance?
What happens when you’re an unwilling job reference?
My former boss (who I’m still on excellent terms with) put the call out to fill my old position. A good friend of mine applied for it. The problem is: I have serious doubts about her ability to do my former job, and I think my old boss should know that.
My husband and I are friends with my ex
I am never quite sure how to introduce Steve to others. So to make everyone else more comfortable I usually say “This is my friend, Steve.” It’s just easier that way. As the relationship moves forward — be it a coworker, new friend, neighbor, etc — eventually they learn who Steve really is. Steve is my ex-husband. And after five years of this we STILL hear how “weird” it all is.