Stash your sex toys (but remember where the hell you put them)

December 3 | Guest post by Sloane Adelaide

We're a BDSM couple who have just moved in together for the first time in our long term relationship, and up 'til now we lived with our respective parents. Hiding our kink was something that we obviously got a little too good at.

Of course, there are ways to hide your sex toys in plain sight by using household objects and even exercise equipment. This is great advice… except for if you're living with parents or roommates and you don't want to repurpose stuff they use! Living together will mean we know where things are, but we'll still want to hide our very-obviously-for-sex equipment.

Let's take a look at some options for discreet and designated stashing!

Inconspicuous containers

These lockable sex toy cases are discreet enough — depending on your decor. This might still stand out if your bedroom is entirely decorated in Victorian/steampunk style — but it'll fit under the bed or in a closet. At any rate, locks can be very necessary when sharing a house.

Depending on what type of toys you use, you may not need much room to stash them at all. We've already seen how great novelty lunchboxes are for covert stoners — why not use one for your sex toys too?

I'm saving up for some vintage or vintage-looking luggage to store my toys. Stacked up they look like some trendy hipster decor in my bedroom and no one's the wiser. They'd be able to hold a variety of types of toys, and something about opening up a suitcase to start a session speaks to me in a sexy way.

Pillows

While you could totally keep your toys in your pillow case, that might not be very comfortable for sleep. There are pillows specifically designed with hidden compartments for small-ish toys like vibrators. Completely inconspicuous when not in use, but always close at hand in bed. Plus, the slogan is "The second best place to keep your vibrator." Nice.

Bedroom Storage Furniture

I knew that we'd better get a couple of these bedside tables cause at least one of those drawers is spoken for with our toy collection. Look for deep drawers that will hold a lot and can also have a pillow case thrown overtop of the contents just in case someone opens it unwittingly. There's actually so much room in these that I can layer my toys on the bottom, put down a pillow case, and throw in a book or other more traditional bedside material. Everything's hidden but easily in reach.

This post already showed you how linen chests can hide toys and how they also double as a sex toy itself. This one (pictured above) has handy legs for tying restraints, and the height variation from the bed will make more positions possible and easier. Bonus: longer toys like crops fit way more easily in these.

Where do YOU hide your obvious sex toys? Has someone ever unwittingly stumbled upon your stash?

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  1. "remember where you put them" Here, here. One of the most horrifying moments of my life was being present when a conservative female relative of mine pulled out a bumpy purple vibrator out of the dryer with a look of shock and a startled, "What is THIS!?" I had absentmindedly dropped the vibe in my laundry basket. Explaining that one was interesting. Now I'm extra careful. #lessonsfrombadlifechoices

    5 agree
  2. I leave my toys out on the nightstand with no shame!
    I figure, we're all adults here, adults have sex, and sometimes we like to spice up that sex with toys and stuff. What's to be embarrassed about? Even if I had a conservative guest come over and they discovered my anal plug, I would just laugh and move on. It would probably make a great conversation starter, even!

    I might change my policies when I have kids or when anyone in my social circle has kids and brings them over to visit, but for now, I couldn't care less.

    12 agree
  3. I've heard that gun cases/storage cabinets are good places for sex toys and BDSM equipment because they lock. We use a steamer truck, luggage and under the bed boxes for most of our things.

    1 agrees
  4. I use… my panty drawer.

    Because if someone finds my bells and whistles in there, why the FUCK were they going through my panty drawer in the first place?

    70 agree
  5. We had to hide his collar with a bunch of socks and other boring items, but somehow it managed to crawl to the top of the sock drawer and when I opened it one time to actually grab socks… HI!!!!!!

    Luckily we are more of the pervertibles type so as long as they are mixed in with other stuff no one suspects… muhahahaha.

    1 agrees
  6. My crop and glass dildo are out in the open – I'm an historical costumer and the glass looks like an art piece. The rest are in damask storage boxes stacked up on my headboard shelf.

    But I'm coveting that storage bench now. Thanks!

    2 agree
  7. Jeez… I thought I had the ultimate in hiding spaces… Between my bed and box spring… Well, one day I washed my dust ruffle and forgot to check the toy. An hour later, my daughter comes downstairs with my pink toy, perfectly wrapped with a bow, and my MIL had a visitor less than five feet away. I swear the room stopped and all I heard was my heartbeat… I had to get the toy, perfectly tied with a bow, and sitting next to Barbie, look cool about it, and put it back. In one swoop I had the toy in hand, running upstairs to put it back, behind a locked door of course, and had to explain to my child why that was MY TOY… Thankfully, she never thought about it again…

    5 agree
    • This reminds me of a quote from "Better off Ted": F"In ten years, you'll look back on this moment and think, 'Ohhhh…'"

      3 agree
  8. I have a treasure chest. It's black and gold and has a repoussé pirate ship on it.

    I am 100% serious. It is GLORIOUS.

    My partner and I have plans, someday, when we have the space, to put up a lot of peg board and outline the shape of every toy in sharpie on it, and just have them all on the wall. Like Julia Child's kitchen set, only kinky.

    20 agree
  9. Don't leave a giant bottle of lube in your parents' hot tub area. Also don't leave your vibrator under your pillow if your parents have a maid service.

    And hope that your dad doesn't leave a picture of your mom's beav right next to the only caller id (you know, in the '90s when you had to attach the box to your phone) in the house!

    I come from a family of terribly obvious people.

    3 agree
  10. we use a jewelry chest. it's really lovely with little drawers for everything, and drawer dividers for bits and pieces, and larger doors for larger things. the best part is that we ran across it on sale and both promptly had the same thought for it. it doesn't lock, but i am of the "if you look that hard, you deserve what you find" mindset – i realize that doesn't work for everyone.

    4 agree
    • Im thinking of investing in a jewelry armoire it has drawers for smaller items like lube or nippy clamps or rope but also has hooks that would be great for floggers and crops.

  11. I have had many different toy storage arrangements over the years. A metal box next to my bed, a drawer by my bed, out in the open on my computer desk (where it was used most often), under my pillow, and once again in a drawer by the bed.

    2 agree
  12. My parents are very respectful of other people's privacy, so my stash has always been handy in my bedside table's drawer. Unfortunately, my parents-in-law don't respect anyone's privacy, something my husband complains about… So, after moving in together, I thought that now for sure I wouldn't have to be careful where we left our toys. Surprise! My brother-in-law told me their father was disturbed because one day we weren't home and we'd asked him if he'd walk our dog, he went snooping in my drawers and saw the monogamy-enforcer I'd bought when hubby and I lived three years in different countries.
    I'm just glad that one time it wasn't on my husband's side of the bed. Then he would have been REALLY disturbed.

    2 agree
  13. And another one…
    Recently, our house was burglarised. My husband surprised the guy and he ran away, but our studio was already upside down. The thief ignored the camera and the laptop, so he was probably after money and gold. We never have money (I was gonna write "at home" but this is more accurate) and, apart from our wedding bands, the only gold we have is my University ring, which was in the makeup drawer, where I also keep my dildo. The drawer was open, but the ring was in plain sight. I guess the guy saw it and was so disgusted he didn't even notice anything else! Mr Dick saved my ring!

    19 agree
  14. We keep everything in a giant beach bag in the closet, mixed in with other bags and purses. No one has ever noticed, when we have a little more space I'd like to move everything to an under the bed storage box so things can be a bit more organized.

  15. The drawer next to the bed. However, hide them enough so well meaning parents who decide to be helpful when they visit don't accidentally find them. Must hide the pregnancy test kit too when they come for Christmas (one of those 2 4 1 deals)don't want to give them ideas!

    My parents and I are pretty open, but there's some conversations to try to avoid with them – just makes life easier.

    Heh when at uni in a shared flat (5 girls) I answered my door whilst drying my vibrator after washing it thinking it was just her and it was her and a male friend. Think he got a bit of a shock! Him:Is that a Vibrator? Me:Yes.

    6 agree
  16. So, I'm a little new to the kink…My question is, what exactly is a monogamy enforcer?

    • When in a long distance relationship it can help to have a toy to deal woth any sexual frustration from not seeing your partner without resorting to anything as unpleasent as cheating, hence, monagamy enforcer.

      4 agree
      • Ha, for some reason I envisioned a chastity belt! I'm actually a little disappointed knowing it was only a dildo/vibe. lol

        20 agree
  17. Ahh, gotcha….Glad it wasn't a male chastity belt….They look terribly uncomfortable.

    3 agree
  18. Interesting article, really good read. My advice is to always have more than one and leave them dotted around the house, that way you'll never be short of one in an amergency 🙂

    1 agrees
  19. Mine are all packed in a suitcase that's tucked under the foot of the bed. It was a way to not waste the space having to store the lone suitcase that wasn't part of a set, keeps the toys relatively handy, and since we live with my in-laws, easy to grab and go if we head off for a getaway or play party.

    1 agrees
    • Same here. An inconspicouos carry-on size suitcase – with a lock! Can't be opened if anyone tries, and realy, it just looks like you've stuffed your luggage under the bed between trips. Nobody bothers with an old suitcase.

  20. Question: What's a good way to dispose of old toys? I feel weird about just sticking them in the trash…..

    1 agrees
    • If they are made of silicone, there are places to recycle them, I'd do a google search, or ask at an adult toy store.

  21. We use a storage chest/bench that we were gifted by my fiancé's mother. (I'm assuming she figured we'd use it for linens & pillows. Heh.)

    It holds a disassembled sex swing, three bins of sorted toys, ropes, as well as a few other larger items.

    We layer a few blankets over everything when we have company as the nieces and nephews like opening containers.

  22. I've taken to storing my vibes in my suite case that I use all the time. I found people are less likely to look in someone's suite case than say a drawer or something.

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