Resources for fathers-to-be that aren't patronizing

MR. NEW DAD t-shirt from Downrivervogue
Are there resources for fathers-to-be that aren't weirdly gendered or patronizing? My husband isn't an idiot and would love more information than "when can my wife have sex again?", "when will I get to watch sports again", or "how to do cope wife my wife's craaa-aaaa-zzyyy hormones/body/cravings/etc?" -Laurel

I hate that that's such a good question! And if anyone has done the research on resources for fathers-to-be that aren't grossly gendered, or treat men like total idiots, it's the Homies. So I put this question out to them and here were there helpful answers…

Commando Dad is good for a concise approach to the day to day practical stuff. -Mary

I got The Expectant Father for my husband and also read it. The writer is great at saying "this is what is likely going on with your partner's body, and here are ways to be supportive." As well as "here are some things that might be going on with you and ways to deal with them." -Alexandra

Depending on the exact situation, you could also seek out blogs of expectant gay dads. Can't talk to hormone crazy women people and that sexist horse shit when there is a surrogate or adoption scenario. -James

Jeremy Martin-Weber who writes this blog is a father of 6, soon to be 7 girls. He posts more often on Facebook than the blog of late, but I really appreciate his take on fatherhood. His wife Jessica runs The Leaky Boob. -Kate

Not exclusively about pregnancy/birth, but the "families" section of Good Men Project has a lot of well written, thought provoking articles that routinely are written from the radical perspective that men have emotions (and that's a good thing) and have the goal of raising well-adjusted kids. This was a recent favorite of mine: 6 Ways We Accidentally Teach Our Boys Rape Culture. -Patricia

These Being Dad DVDs were great. Parts of the DVD have men sitting around chatting about all the everyday pregnancy, birth and babies things over a couple of beers. Very down-to-earth. -Megan

What are your favorite non-patronizing resources for fathers-to-be?

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  1. Yeah, it’s pretty shocking how many dad resources at worst are condescending (reducing the pregnant partner to a raging hormone beast) and at best focus on financial planning for a new family. My husband really liked “The Expectant Father,” which was mentioned in the OP. The book did a great job of treating men as an equal partner in the process and talking about what to expect with respect. There are also sections about preconception/trying to conceive and miscarriage in the book.

    “The Birth Partner” by Peggy Simkin was good too, but as the title suggests focuses on birth.

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  2. I love how this is the first post to pop up on my feed when I finally got around to checking the internet again after my baby arrived unexpectedly early last week. Thanks, universe!

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      • Thank you! It's been a challenging recovery as the birth was pretty traumatic. (Water broke at 36 weeks and baby was breech so I had a C-section, hemorrhaged on the table, and needed two blood transfusions. I'm OK now, but very weak.)

        On the plus side, our daughter is beautiful and perfect and healthy despite being pre-term. Seeing what an amazing father my husband is makes me fall more deeply in love with him every day.

  3. I bought this book for an expectant father and he loved it! Rocking Fatherhood

    I heard about it on the podcast One Bad Mother, which despite the title does try to cater to parents of all genders, and is a great source of information. They have an affiliated Facebook group that's an incredible source of advice, kindness, humor and compassion as well for moms and dads alike.

  4. My husband's grandma gave us "Caveman's Guide to Baby's First Year: Early Fatherhood For the Modern Hunter-Gatherer." Initially we thought it was going to be awful, but it was actually funny, not insulting, and had a lot of good info, with cute comic illustrations throughout.

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