Long-distance sex hacks with the magic of technology

April 30 | Guest post by Sloane Adelaide
There's a joke here somewhere about rotary phones and fingers and holes… By: Wicker ParadiseCC BY 2.0

Long-distance relationships of all kinds are more and more prevalent thanks to technology. Keeping in touch is easier than ever before… but sometimes it's the lack of touch that makes these relationships difficult. Long-distance sex is totally possible, and it can even be totally fulfilling. Let's talk about some long-distance sex hacks using technology.

Sexting

Sexting is fantastic. It's like a choose-your-own-adventure, personalized erotica novel. It's also a great way to indulge in fantasy role-playing or to try on kinks you might be too nervous to try in person. It's sometimes difficult to get over the worry of embarrassing yourself when texting, and waiting for a response after a pivotal sentence can be agonizing (possibly in more ways than one), but sexting can be incredibly fulfilling sexually. Especially if you can do it one-handed. If you need help figuring out what to sext, reading erotica can help a lot. The thing to remember is that your partner is probably not concerned with how many synonyms you know because they're too turned on.

It could be useful to figure out a code word with your partner to text to initiate, rather than just sending a sext without warning. It lets them know you're in the mood so that if they are, too, you can get to it. But even more practically, it's way better to get a text that says "Carrot cake?" when you're sitting next to your boss in a meeting than the NSFW alternative.

Tumblr

Speaking of personalized erotica… have you ever wanted to write out a fantasy to your partner, but felt kind of weird about sending it to their email? Post it to a private blog instead! This idea doesn't even have to be sexual — it's just good for long-distance relationships altogether. Get a Tumblr account and have your partner get one, too. Create a blog and put a password on it. Invite your partner to be an admin. Now you have a secret blog that only the two of you have access to to post messages and photos. It keeps everything in one place, so whenever you're feeling like you miss your partner, you can open up the blog and read all the messages. But if you find a sexy gif you want to show your partner, and, say, you write a couple of paragraphs about how you'd like to reenact with them, this is the secret place to put it.

You could keep a dedicated tumblr log-in for this that you only use on your mobile phone to make it even more private, and to ensure that your regular dashboard doesn't become porn gif-central when you follow more "inspiration" blogs.

Plus: if you're both into exhibitionism, you could have a lot of fun with an anonymous blog that isn't password-protected.

Selfies

Sexy selfies, or "nudes," or whatever you want to call them, with whatever level of anonymity you are comfortable with, are a major turn-on to a lot of people. There are apps intended to make it safer to send photos you don't want someone to keep, but those have workarounds (like screenshots, for example). Obviously, you should only send sensitive photos and texts to people who trust completely. Duh. Warning aside, they can be a really fun way to take your own boudoir-style photos. You're the one in charge of how much you show. Turn up your tease game!

Skype

Obviously we all thought of Skype when I mentioned long-distance sex. Video calls and virtual sex go hand in, uh, hand. If you're nervous about it, that's completely natural. You might be nervous about "in real life" sex, too, right? Talk with your partner before trying it out. Talk about what makes you both nervous about it, and set some rules. If you're not comfortable showing your face, don't. If you're not comfortable taking off any clothes, don't. If you need to have a glass of wine before, go ahead. Heck, if you just want to use the mic and not the video, that can be a whole other level of sexy.

But wait, what does on-cam sex even entail? Essentially you're sexting out loud, and you may be masturbating. Whether or not you show yourself masturbating is again, up to you. Of course, sexting out loud can put pressure on you. Not everyone likes to dirty talk, especially not on the spot. That's fine! You could read erotica to each other, browse for sex toys or outfits together, or you don't have to say anything at all. It's sexy to see your partner doing their thing while you do yours, and hearing the heavier breathing, gasping, moans, etc.

A word to the wise: if you are a squirter, keep this in mind while using your laptop's built-in camera. It's a very expensive way to get a good party story.

Schedule your sex

A lot of couples find that scheduling sex helps them even when they co-habit. Long-distance couples are usually no strangers to scheduling conversations, and it's a good idea to schedule sexytimes, too! When you're long-distance, it can be harder to know what mood your partner is in, or even if they have any spare time. Scheduling long-distance sex gives you something to look forward to.

What tips do you have for long-distance sex? What's worked for you? What are you thinking about trying?

  1. I've recently started a long-distance relationship where actual physical sex unfortunately isn't an option yet. I can definitely agree that sexting is fantastic. Listening to your partner is key, and not just in the moment: talking about sexual interests outside of direct sexting has given me a better idea of what my partner is into, and also discussing what we enjoyed after a session helps make things even better in the future. (Reading their tumblr NSFW blog with plenty of images that turn them on was also a very good primer for learning their interests before getting involved.)

    4 agree
  2. Our sleep schedules were a bit offset, even though we were in the same time zone. We scheduled our Skyping, but agreed to keep the lines open for sexy emails and texts–all of our sexting sessions carried over to the next day and we sent lots of stuff while the other was sleeping.
    To be super covert, I set his emails to go to a special folder. He sexted me from his Google Voice, so it came from a separate number than anything urgent or non-sexy.

    3 agree
    • This is a different one than I was going to link, but there are LOTS of toys that can be controled SUPER remotely designed for just this predicament. Trouble is, they're pricey, so I can't personally recommend any particular one.

      1 agrees
  3. My boyfriend and I breached a 6-hour time difference (and ocean) through Second Life, which is basically Sims online… but sexier. (It can be vanilla too but let's be real, people…) It's free and once you get the hang of how to use it, awesome.

    You make an avatar and can have sex, dress up, go places together, go on "dates", cuddle, etc. It was a good snuggle substitute, and it helped me get to know my partners likes and dislikes ("You wanna see me in this dress one day, huh?" "I had NO idea you could do that with a *** and a ****!") and not to mention it's like this virtual substitute for actually being together. You go to clubs, talk to other people, and if you want to involve other people without actually having to have the awkward threesome talk, it's all right there.

    Warning- if you're not used to kink/BDSM you'll likely run into that once you turn on the adult filter. Some things may offend you. You've been warned.

    We also did other video games online but since this is a sexy post, that's what we used SL for. Hope this helps!

    1 agrees
  4. Yeah long distance relationships! My partner and I have been long distance for almost 7 years, now. Recently, I've been loving snapchat. It won't immediately open like a sext and heightens the anticipation. Also, google (gmail, gchat, video….) is your best friend.

    2 agree
  5. With all of this, there is a crucial piece of advice that seems to be missing: PASSWORD PROTECT YOUR SHIT! If you sext or send sexy pictures and such through your phone, and there are people who you wouldn't want to see it, put a lock on it. Same with your computer. Nobody ever assumes that someone will find and snoop through their electronics, but it does happen. This goes double if you work with kids, because if a kid finds sexy things on your phone, YOU can get in trouble, even though they're wrong for touching your phone. Also don't send this stuff through the wifi where you work. Chances are, there's someone who monitors it (again, especially if you work in a school).

    4 agree
  6. A small suggestion regarding on-cam sexy-times from personal experience:

    Figure out the logistics surrounding lighting and position BEFORE you're getting all hot and bothered. When my husband and I were still long distance, we both had our PCs in our respective bedrooms, so turning the cam to the bed and being able to get comfortable was no biggie, but when you're already going to town, and possibly a bit messy, the LAST thing you want to be worrying about is adjusting your damned webcam and/or your lightsource because your partner's only seeing a bright light =(

    1 agrees
  7. My partner and I were long distance for 3 years and I am about to leave for another 3 month stint. Long-distance sex opened us up to a world of opportunities that we may not have explored otherwise. Having a code word was useful and a password is a MUST. Sexy voicemails are great too. There's nothing like having your own personal recording of your partner getting all hot and bothered.

    2 agree

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