My House Hunters drinking game

Everyone's buzzing this week about HGTV's House Hunters being fake. To that I say, "No shit! NO ONE only looks at just three houses, chooses one of them, and then closes in, what, a month? With their boxes all unpacked, ready to awkwardly chop vegetables while they talk about how much they got used to all the things they pretended to hate." Instead of acting outraged that a staged reality show is staged, I say LET'S DRINK!

I seriously watch HGTV all day long, so I've seen my fair share of House Hunters episodes. (I'm such a fan that I forced my dad's real estate agent to let us tour an ACTUAL House Hunters-featured home in Texas. The agent who showed it confirmed all those things I suspected of being true.) I've seen the show so many times that, of course, I started to become BEYOND annoyed with the constant (and generally stupid as hell) complaints. But I love the show!

So, in order to cope with the barrage of home buyer idiocy (real or not, it's still all up in my grill), I've developed my own drinking game. You know, lemons, lemonade, etc.

Wanna play it with me? Here's how…

Take a drink every time…

  • Someone mentions the lack of, or gets excited about the apparent splendor that is, double sinks.
  • Someone complains about (CLEARLY UNCHANGEABLE!) paint colors.
  • Someone complains about the backyard not being fenced.
  • Someone says, "this [blank] is dated."
  • Someone complains that they "really wanted granite."
  • The woman says some variation of "well this is MY closet… where will you put YOUR stuff?"
  • Someone says, "but we REALLY wanted stainless steel."
  • Someone complains about lack of crown moulding.

Take two drinks every time…

  • Someone complains that their furniture won't fit in a room.
  • You see their current home with an entire room devoted to, and practically EXPLODING with, their kid's toys.
  • A man mentions how he'll turn a room into a "man cave."
  • A woman contradicts that guy and argues that it'll be her "craft room."

Lightning round!

At the end of the show, all must submit their guess for which house they pick.

  • Those who guess right don't have to drink.
  • Whoever guesses wrong has to drink whatever is left in their glass, which honestly, shouldn't be all that much by this point.

Okay, House Hunter fans: what are YOUR drinking game rules? I know you have them!

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