Category Archive

It worked for me

Mother’s Day Grief: dealing with the day after infant loss

I am feeling like a small canoe lost at sea. I am floating around, and I look rather normal up close. It is only unless you look a little longer and see the bigger picture do you see just how lost I really am. So here I go lost and floating around out into the greater world waiting for that stranger to boldly wish me a Happy Mother’s Day. I will smile and say, “Thank you.”

How to help someone after a miscarriage in 5 simple ways

While miscarriage is a normal part of pregnancy journeys, it doesn’t mean it feels normal. After my miscarriage I felt like I was going insane. And all through that I experienced everything from the most amazing support to shocking insensitivity. So I’d like to tell you how to help someone after a miscarriage in these 5 simple ways…

One woman answers the question: should I stay in a marriage without chemistry?

Several years ago, I wrote the Offbeat Home post I’m not attracted to my husband: Marriage without chemistry? After 6 years of working on myself, finding myself, and trying to do absolutely everything I could to save the marriage… I finally had the strength to call it quits.

My child sexually was harassed on the school bus & the reality set in

My child was sexually harassed on the school bus & the reality set in

Yesterday should have been a normal day. It started off that way. But instead it became a first for my eldest daughter. My daughter asked a boy to stop using profanities, and instead, he used them more and more, especially directed at her. And then he threatened her, repeatedly.

When the bus did stop, she ran as fast as she could and into my arms. Her whole body shook with fear and anger. That was the day our daughter became the victim of sexually violent language. She is ten years old. The boy was twelve. She was riding the school bus home from fifth grade.

Could-be-babies: my missed miscarriage of twins

Could-be-babies: my missed miscarriage of twins

I’ve been up all night deleting my lists of baby names, deleting my secret baby registry, unfollowing the Twins groups I joined on Facebook, throwing away the books and the ultrasound photos that I’d been proudly displaying on our fridge. I’ve been up all night unbecoming a mother. I had a glass of wine and sushi and it wasn’t as good as I needed it to be. Women don’t talk about miscarriage, even though it happens to a lot of us. A LOT.

I’m a teacher and I’m dreading this question when school starts

Colleagues will ask it, parents will ask it, students will ask it. Some will ask it because it’s the thing to do, some to fill dead air, some because they saw my (not to brag or anything) AMAZING vacation photos on social media, and some because they genuinely want to know. “How was your summer?”

You want to know how my summer really was? It was awful. I was an emotional, hormonal mess who was pregnant, but won’t be having a baby anytime soon. I had two miscarriages, my second and third.

A mom's mental load: embracing and forgiving my forgetfulness

A mom’s mental load: embracing and forgiving my forgetfulness

I’ve been thinking a lot about forgetfulness and mental load. I had a boss at work who constantly referred to freeing up your “psychic space” as often as possible. Much like defragmenting your computer in order to free up memory. I have always been considered “forgetful” — even before I had a baby. During pregnancy, I had the luxury of blaming things on “baby brain.” Now that my daughter is crawling, my ability to keep up with everything in my brain seems exponentially worse.

Here are some of the more serious things I’ve forgotten this past month…

The realness of early pregnancy and loss

The realness of early pregnancy and loss

My pregnancy was real. Really brief. Really scary. Really exciting. Really surprising. Really sad. Really hopeful. Really exhausting.

There were three emotional weeks between the moment I saw two lines on a pregnancy test in my bathroom at 4am and the moment an ultrasound confirmed we’d lost it. This wasn’t our first pregnancy, but it was our first since knowing the pain of losing one. We were scared and sad from the start that we might lose it, yet we were hopeful this might finally be our time…