I am a divorced woman who will be getting re-married soon. Part of me wants my daughter and I to have the same name, but I also don't want to be stuck with the name that is associated with such a crap time in my life. Since I can't change our child's last name to that of my husband, is there anything that I can do to make our new family sound more coherent?
This is Offbeat Home's archive of People posts.
"Homeowner", "renter" or "squatter" – whatever the label, these occupants take the Offbeat wherever they go.
One of my best friends has been going through a tough time for a while now. She also happens to live over 200 miles away. How can I be a good, supportive long-distance friend at a time like this, when popping in to help for an evening isn't possible?
Asexual or demisexual is as close to "accurate" as I'm going to get for a label, I think. I have a sex drive, I have sexual fantasies, I masturbate, I can imagine being sexually attracted to someone I knew and trusted, but if my future self figures out time-travel and drops me a note to inform me that I'm never going to get laid, I would be a lot more interested in the implications for free will than I would be distressed at the thought of never having sex again.
I had it all figured out. I'd read the books and the blogs, from the humorous to the medical. Talked to parents. Formed opinions. I knew exactly what I wanted to do. Then, I had a child, and it all went to hell. "How is the… adjustment going?" One mom friend asked, with a knowing look on her face. "I remember thinking it was hell on earth," the dad of a two-year-old told me. "Welcome to the secret society," my aunt said, "You can't understand it until you've done it." I may not have been able to understand, but I would have liked a warning!
I've been with my hunk of a husband for 8½ years. I'm often asked how we keep it fun and lively. How do we always seem to be happier than a turtle on a skateboard? I could respond with the bland, basic answer of being a good listener, going on dates, and sharing life goals. And if you look up "how to keep a marriage fresh," those are usually the kinds of answers you'll find. That stuff works, but I like a more creative approach. Here are the three unconventional ways I keep my relationship fresh and fun…
I've never had a great time of making friends at all in my life. I had a bit of a meltdown about this recently, thinking about how I have so few friends. I lamented, "I wish I was just at the stage of my life where I didn't care anymore. Where I didn't measure personal success by how many friends I have."
What are you supposed to do when you can't stand your in-laws? I needed to learn techniques to help me deal with mine in a kind and considerate manner, without exploding with internalized stress. For me, the following things have helped…
My sister is amazing with people, confident and outgoing and extraordinarily empathetic. And me? Well, I was the best at logistics. I always had two sets of lunch money in case my sister forgot hers (which was often useful), and contingency plans for every situation. As we grew up and left home the relationship dynamic stayed the same. Then, last year, we had a family crisis, and I realized that the dynamic had shifted, and I needed to shift as well.