Here’s a list of all the stuff pregnancy books won’t tell you
Recently several newly pregnant friends have asked me if I had any advice for them, which has given me occasion to think over all the things that have kept my partner and me going throughout my pregnancy and our first nine months of parenting. While pregnant, I read as many pregnancy and parenting books as I could get my hands on, and learned a lot, both about what I wanted to do and what I didn’t want to do.
I’m an attachment parent who didn’t co-sleep or baby wear — and that’s okay!
I share my story because I don’t want other new parents to go through what I went through. My advice is simply to trust yourself and trust your child. You know what’s best for your family and your child knows what they need. Babies are born with personalities and preferences that can’t be accounted for in a one-size-fits-all parenting philosophy. Children are more resilient than we think. If Plan A doesn’t work, keep trying until something does.
When you’re not your biological child’s “first” parents
Even though our story is somewhat unique, the idea of bringing a child into your home years after they’re born isn’t a new one. So often folks are hesitant to bring older children through their home, through adoption or other means, because of a fear that it’ll be more difficult to bond with a child you don’t receive as an infant. Through my limited experience (my own family experience!), I understand where this fear is coming from, but want to say that children bond with people who take care of them. Even without a genetic connection, a child, regardless of age, wants to feel love and likes the idea of being part of a family.
A surprise pregnancy, understanding boyfriend, and a new family
Aiden will know that my boyfriend is not his biological father. He will also know how much more this means to his mommy: he’s not here because he has to be, he is here because he wants to be. That kind of love and dedication, the willingness to put aside DNA and open your heart, is what makes a family.
From infertility to pregnancy and moving forward with new life
Then I took the test. It was positive. I genuinely believed the test was faulty. I was torn between a massive urge to run into the street and scream at passers-by “I’M PREGNANT”, and the ever present feeling that this was not possible, I was not pregnant, and the test was wrong. I walked home in the rain. I dropped my paperwork on the floor, and it stuck there like glue. I left it. The wind was cooling my neck. The moment is so clear.
“Nesting” is different when you’re waiting for an adoption
I’m not expecting. Not in the traditional sense. My husband and I have decided to adopt one or two kids from foster care between the ages of four and seven. We applied to adopt through our local government agency one year and three months ago. In that time we have done the mandatory training program, I have taken a special course on adopting children of aboriginal heritage (a large percentage of children in foster care in Canada are First Nations) and we have waited and waited for our names to move up the wait list for a home study. But just because there is no baby in my belly doesn’t mean that I don’t feel the need to make a home for my kids.
We added a toddler to our family in 24 hours: our experience with foster-to-adopt
When my husband and I were dating we talked about all kinds of things during the long drive from Seattle to my parent’s house in Oregon. We talked about our lives together, our pasts, and our goals and hopes for the future. As things got more serious we starting talking about kids; how many we wanted, names we liked, that sort of thing. One thing we quickly realized was that we both had the desire to adopt.
Two women undergo IVF to share the physical experience of making a baby
Allison and her wife both wanted to experience different parts of baby-making and parenthood, so they decided to do partner-assisted in vitro fertilization. Here’s the story of how Alison got pregnant with her wife’s baby