Butt bench: A party in your bathtub for your butt #Sponsors#bathrooms#bathtub March 16 | Cat Rocketship This business paid a fee to be listed on @offbeathome because they feel their products and services are a great fit with offbeat philosophies… and we agree. Learn more about our ads. Oh GOOD MORNING! Notice: laptop is so very unplugged. That's me. In my bathtub. I am in there because I am a complete bath junkie. I know now that this is a type of person, but I didn't always understand there are others like me. One who, for fun, takes frequent, long, pointless baths. This person reads in the tub. This person is jealous of Marat's bathtub setup, horrible skin disease be damned! This person buys furniture for the purpose of enhancing bathtime. Whether or not you are a bath junkie, you will want a Butt Bench, and I will show you why. Butt Bench is Offbeat Home's new sponsor. They make pine and cedar benches designed to fit in almost every bathtub, upon which you can sit your fancy-feeling fanny, prop a leg up while shaving, or use as shelf for MOAR bath products. They sent me a sample bench to try, and I was so excited I had to take to Google Chat immediately: me MY BUTT BENCH ARRIVED!!!! In preparation, I will turn my water heater up ALL THE WAY dani.ausen WOOOO me Light a little incense… Make some edamame… AND NEVER LEAVE THE BATHTUB AGAIN dani.ausen Wow. It sounds like you're planning a romantic date for yourself. me Me and butt bench, we're in a platonic relationship. But we are CLOSE dani.ausen VERY CLOSE. me We are like peanut butter and jelly. Celery and peanut butter. Like a butt and a buttbench. dani.ausen IT IS ACQUIANTED WITH YOUR NAKED ASS. me not yet BUT SOON! To be honest, even though I was expecting a pretty standard panel of wood — I was still excited for it! But I did not expect to be impressed so thoroughly when I ripped open the package. The Butt Bench is SUPER DUPER nice. I chose cedar, and it SMELLS like cedar, and makes my bathroom smell like cedar. It's smooth, finely finished, and varnished. No butt splinters! No mildew! The thing is nicely built. Benches come in two lengths, but fit most tubs, and come with built-in suction cups so it'll stay stuck to the wall. You wouldn't want to get too wiggly in a bathtime singalong and slide off your seat, would you? Even the suction cups impressed me — they have a nicely-routed home, and are built to be tightened to give the best fit. Uses for the Butt Bench: Extra storage: if you only use your shower as a shower, you can still use a handsome shelf. Shaving support: sit on it, prop a leg up — you'll get better reach and smooooother shaves. This would be GREAT for anyone with mobility issues. Obviously, elderly relatives come to mind, but I also spent months with a camping chair in my bathtub after I broke my leg. Lord, if I could have had a Butt Bench then! Turning your shower into a sauna! Sit on your Butt Bench and let the steam refresh you! This is especially good as a natural treatment for asthma or respiratory infections. Washing your dog! SO SMART! And of course you can also use a butt bench as a working-tub-desk. I'm serious about the bath-fanatic thing. I EAT in the tub. I start most mornings with my iPhone and a bath. My laptop is well-acquainted with the edge of the tub. Books, sketchpads, craft projects, phone calls…they all happen in my bathtub. And so I'm serious about my excitement for the Butt Bench. Its name makes me giggle, and the product makes one of my favorite things in the world EVEN BETTER. I can't gush anymore. You're already excited. I know this, because you are my bath-freak brethren. Go now, and buy your ass a Butt Bench. Reporter Name * Reporter Email * Original text Enter the original text here. Edited text* Enter your suggested copyedit here. Notes You can add a note for the editor here. * Required information. Fix Typo Cat Rocketship I was the Managing Editor of Offbeat Home for a year and a half. I have a rich Internet life and also a pretty good real life. Hobbies include D&D, Twitter, and working on making our household more self-reliant. I also draw things. PREVIOUS Birth in Binsi has skirts and tops you can wear wherever you give birth (+ discount code!) NEXT Daleks on a dinner plate, spring water for your home, and painting quotes on the walls — this week in reader photos Show/Hide comments [ 58 ] The logo is making my day. Love dis thang. Why I love OBE: willing to be photographed taking a bath, totes in the nudes, just to share how awesome a product is? Check. 15 agree Reply My soul winced at reading about bath + laptop. Too many fried electronics from falling into the tub I suppose. 5 agree Reply SO FAR so good. I've been doing this since high school, and the most tragic (and messy) thing I've lost to the tub was a bowl of ravioli. It was gross. 28 agree Reply I read books in the tub. Like, really nice books. And library books. I've been doing it forever. It terrifies my husband. 16 agree Reply Fellow bath addict here. I have one of those mini, table-top ironing boards that happens to work perfectly for spanning the tub to give me a table for reading books. I even admit I've taken my laptop in there once and survived to tell the tale. But the Butt Bench looks so much classier… 4 agree Reply *Digs around & brings mini-ironing board into bathroom for permanent re-homing.* 13 agree Reply Yeah, seriously. Taking electronics in the tub seems like an unnecessary risk, especially when books (even library books!) are so enjoyable and much more bath-friendly. Next chapter: Surviving an Offbeat Electrocution 2 agree Reply Ahhh, the day I "weighed the risk": dying my chemically straightened hair, blonde. Yess!! Relieved, no hair lay next to me by morning. Whewie. Reply Looks like a great product!! But now for immature me – heehee you said fanny (fanny means vagina in the UK) 18 agree Reply also in australia… and it's not a nice way of putting it either… 6 agree Reply I'm sorry if I offended your ears. 1 agrees Reply Is it bad that every summer I get a kick out of American tourists casually and regularly saying "fanny pack"? 😀 I did once have to warn a friend after she semi-loudly announced "that seat made my fanny hurt!" though… 16 agree Reply HAHA! I'm from the US, but we lived in the UK for a while when I was a kid, and I remember being verrrry confused when my mom told me I could no longer say 'fanny-pack' 2 agree Reply What's hilarious to me is that my grandmother's name was Fanny. 1 agrees Reply I wonder if it's like a guy being named "Dick"… Also, I wish that Butt Bench fit my tub! 1 agrees Reply 😀 I always thought it meant vulva, because from the side the whole thing is fan-shaped. I don't see how it relates to the vagina really. I wonder what the entymology of that is. Reply My best friend's from South Africa; her mother giggled madly the first time they visited "Fanny's Fabrics" in Canada. Reply Great write-up! I don't have time for baths too often but I love long, hot showers. When I get really relaxed I like to sit down on the floor of the shower… this would be even better. This also would be great for those sandal-clad days when I have to wash off my dirty feet. Now I want one! 1 agrees Reply I am also a bath junkie, and I was just trying to explain to my husband how badly I NEED a bath shelf for books, wine, snacks, etc. I am glad to see there are others like me. Question- my bathtub does not have much of an edge where a shelf could rest on the wall (not open) side of the bath. Most shelves are set up so that the will rest on this lip. You mentioned suction cups- are they strong enough to hold the shelf plus BATH ITEMS OF NECESSITY (glass of wine, cup of tea, books, candles, snacks, etc), really? Wouldn't expect it to hold my weight, but some trinkets would be nice. 1 agrees Reply Never mind- I read their FAQs, and no, it will not fit my tub. =( Reply "BATH ITEMS OF NECESSITY." This. Love it. Wine + bath = 1930s film-star-like glamourous lounging. 7 agree Reply So, what you're telling us is that you really like a good bath, yes? It does look like a cool piece of wood. Our current tub is a pretty sweet deal, so I might be spending more time in it. Muahahaha. The butt bench would be pretty great to have breakfast on. relaxing bath, board with mimosa, eggs, and toast on top? Yes, please! 2 agree Reply I somehow read this that you were having a relaxing bath with a mimosa, eggs, toast, and a top hat. I was damn impressed. 1 agrees Reply Boo it won't work on my tub Maybe I can DIY something similar for my clawfoot! Cuz really you got me all excited and stuff about butt benches! 1 agrees Reply Butt bench + C-clamps installed on the bottom, tightened to stay on the tub? Reply Oh holy crap the logo made me burst out laughing. That's AMAZING. And if I had a tub, I would be all about a butt bench. Unfortunately for my bath-adoring self, all my house is equipped with is a crap shower. 1 agrees Reply Totally off-topic question: Do you get extra money if we click on the sponsor links at the right? If you do, I would be sure to click a couple of times every time I'm here. And what about if we click the same link but on a different day? Reply Naomi, it depends on the ad. The banner listed under "Advertisements": YES, we get paid for clicks. The companies under "Sponsors": NO, those are paid up front. We are not paid per click. Reply Well, I'll be sure to click on the ads every day to show support for your blog, which I enjoy very much. 1 agrees Reply Don't click unless you're legitimately interested. They could get in trouble for click fraud! 2 agree Reply You posted this from the tub, didn't you? 21 agree Reply Are there benches not intended for butts in the world? Still, cute logo, good looking product. If I had a bathtub that would accommodate such a thing, I would totally get one. 1 agrees Reply Awesome. I so miss the bathroom from my first apartment in Japan. I'd fill the tub, stick in a bath bomb, soak/drink wine/read until the water got too cool, then TURN ON THE WATER HEATER SO THE WATER GOT HOT AGAIN. I haven't had a good bath since I left Yokohama last year. 5 agree Reply I am so glad I'm not the only person who lives in the tub. Everyone I know looks at me like I'm crazy when I mention my four hour dinner baths… 8 agree Reply This post makes me so happy!!! 😀 What a great product, thank you for sharing – I too could live in the tub. 2 agree Reply I live in my bathtub too. My husband doesn't understand why I eat/watch netflix/read in bath but it is awesome. Sadly this won't fit in the tub in the master bathroom but I might have to use the bathroom in the hallway just so I can get one 3 agree Reply Dr. Bronner's Magic Soap in the background = WIN. 4 agree Reply p.s. shower sex. i mean, our mock-up is just an old cabinet door that had appropriate proportions – not nearly as gorgeous. and started living in the tub 'cause my wife likes to read in the bath (which i so do not understand, but which a bench does help with), but… in other news, i can't help but notice that you have a for-real safety razor, which makes you awesome. awesome like their logo. 4 agree Reply Husband got me hooked on safety razors. I'm trying to get him to do a post on Shaving Like a Grownup… 6 agree Reply You guys should look into a company called "The Art of Shaving" when you do that post! 2 agree Reply I bought my husband a safety razor from them for his birthday–the one which happened to be the day before our wedding. He really loves it, though it takes a lot of getting used to. Reply My husband keeps trying to get me to shave with his straight-razor, for the sheer bad-ass-ness, but I'm terrified of it. You will definitely have to share about women using safety razors! 3 agree Reply wow this is so me. My fiance tells me im addicted to baths. I wake up during the night and take random baths. I will definitially be wanting one of these!! 1 agrees Reply I think the most I've ever done in one day is 4. I do not USUALLY do this — I try to keep them to 2 a week, since I fill it ALL the way up. 2 agree Reply I want one so badly, but I can't find any info on their site about whether they ship to Australia. I could have missed it though. I'm trying not to get my hopes up but my butt's already gotten all excited! There'll be no calming it down after this! 1 agrees Reply Hello Chrissie, I'm part of the Butt Bench company. We are currently setup to ship only in Continental USA and Canada. We can accommodate shipping via USPS outside of USA per individual request. The cost of shipping our beautiful 12" Cedar bench which is the lightest one at 5 lbs. is $50.55 via Priority Mail International. It will be best to make sure that it will fit in your tub before ordering one. I'm not sure if Australian tubs are the same as the basic American tub which is 30" wide by 5 feet long. If you're still interested you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org 1 agrees Reply Thanks, Mae! Reply Awesome, thank you so much for that information Mae! Reply My husband is the one who is bath-obsessed in our home. I typically save them for when my muscles are super-sore, or the dead of winter when I just can't get warm. Husband would live in the bath if I let him. He uses a lid off an old wooden box from Ikea, it's the right size and shape. He puts his laptop on it, and that used to really freak me out, but he swears a laptop does not have enough power to electrocute a human. And by now I know that of all the dangerous crap he does, laptop in the tub is not the most worrisome. Also, one of our cats will curl up on the wooden-lid-as-bath-shelf when he has baths, and where his physical safety is concerned, the cat falling in the water is probably worse than the laptop. 4 agree Reply Oh that looks better than the plastic one I was going to get from my grandmother. Reply holy lord i need one of those. yet another reason I am so jealous of your work from home … scratch that … work from tub status. PS major props for going nakey. 😉 Reply And yet, no one has mentioned rubber ducks. I HAVE to have my bath floaty…which just so happens to be a plastic Tigger in a blue boat…but yeah. Makes my heart happy when I'm reading and then I catch some orange out of the corner of my eye. Yeah….I'm weird. I know. 3 agree Reply My third-trimester butt could sure use a bench in the shower. Now to convince the husband that this is a necessary use of funds… 1 agrees Reply Of course the weight limit is too small for me. Dammit. 1 agrees Reply I was just about to go looking for the weight limit. Boo. I'm too close to the edge of it to be entirely comfortable trusting my weight to it. Too bad, would have been nice to have somewhere to sit for leg shaving. Could still use it as a bench for things during a bath, or to put your foot up on, but I know me, and one day I would be tempted "well, I'm TECHNICALLY below the weight limit… I could sit on it, right?" next thing you know, I'm spraining or breaking something when the whole thing collapses into the tub. no thanks. Reply I purposefully buy cheap used paperback copies of favorite books so I don't mind wrinkling the edges with my pruny bath fingers. #bathjunkieconfessions 1 agrees Reply Gin. Typewriter. Perfection. Reply Laptops near steam and water ———– NOT a smart idea. They were not meant to mix. 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