Make the bedroom sexy, then use it as a set for a hot home movie

May 11 |
Woman in satin dress holding mirror
So alluring! Photo from the George Eastman House. Used under Creative Commons license.
Do yourself a favor and take 15 minutes today to put your bedroom (or, you know, whatever location you prefer) in the mood for luuuuv. After you've shown it some love, we'll talk about making a movie in that newly-beautified boudoir — with a partner or all on your own.

I don't know about you, but in our hectic life the bedroom is generally strewn with dirty clothes that didn't hit the hamper, cat food bits, and dust bunnies. It's not super hot. But sex=yay!, so let's make a little promise to treat our bedrooms with more respect, starting now.

  1. Clear the clutter. Of the clothes on the floor, decide what's REALLY dirty and what you can throw back in the dresser. Take water glasses back to the kitchen. Pick your dental floss picks up off the nightstand. Put everything in its place — or, at worst, shove it under the bed. If you're feeling super energetic, do a little storage maintenance so you don't end up with so much clutter so often.
  2. Banish the TV. Don't worry; it doesn't have to be permanent. But how often is there a TV on the set of a sex scene in a movie? TVs just aren't sexy, so think about hiding it. Get a pretty patterned bit of fabric and drape the set — as long as that doesn't make it look like a goofy monster hiding poorly. Stash the remote and forget, for a while, there's a set in your room.
  3. Make it sexy. Don't just rely on your overhead lights. If you don't have lamps for mood lighting, set up a few candles or even bundle Christmas lights and stash them so they're out of sight, but put off a nice glow. Make the bed. You might even add some sensual surfaces to your room: a satin duvet or a textured painting.
  4. Stock up. You know, make sure you have enough of whatever you need: dental dams, condoms, lube, toys, tissues, incontinence pads. And then go a bit farther: add something new! Or unusual. It doesn't have to be sexy — maybe set out a plate of strawberries so you can luxuriously lounge in bed with your lovah, saying mushy things and nomming juicy berries. If it's all you, make it all about you: a date night for one.

There. Doesn't that feel good? Now I'm thinking, since you went to all the effort to set this up and style your love palace, this is a good time to talk about filming yourself doing it.

I sat down with my husband to get the scoop on how to get good results from sexcapade video shoots. He's handy for that: he majored in Radio & TV, worked camera on a film, and his first business was a video production company. And, you know, he's a big fan of sex. His advice will help make taking the dive worth it — and prevent you from making a shame flick you never speak of again.

Lighting and sound are all-important

Lighting
Good lighting and sound will even make a cell phone video seem decent.

  • Start with the settings: what can you change on your camera? Pull out the manual and see if you can figure out how to set white balance and exposure. You can change the tone of the scene by adding warmth or a cool cast: white balance on something cool to get a warming effect, on something warm to get a cooler set.
  • Don't mix sources — it makes white balancing less accurate. All your lighting should come from windows OR lamps, not both.
  • When possible, make lighting ambient and diffuse. Paper lanterns and lampshades are perfect, and you can also point bulbs at walls and ceilings to reflect on the scene.
  • Low lighting is romantic and flattering and can work just fine on video, but it's a good idea to do a test run to make sure it'll turn out okay.

Sound

  • Take a test run, and really listen to the room. What's the mic picking up? Fans? Furnaces? Electronic hums? If you're going to have music playing, test the camera on that as well. Make sure the camera isn't picking up beats at a hilariously loud level.
  • Check for automatic settings. Most point and shoot photo/video cameras level sounds automatically, meaning you'll hear "PSSSSSSSH" during quiet foreplay when the camera's trying to boost levels, and then crushed sound when you're screaming holy Marys.

Pay attention to your directorial style

  • Get closer. Yes, you want to capture all the action, but nothing improves composition faster than moving the camera closer.
  • If you want to go all gonzo, remove any dangly bits so the lenscap and straps aren't getting into your shot, and beware handling noise. Get a good firm grip (always good advice in this situation!) and be deliberate about your movements.
  • Whatever you do, for the love of god, don't turn the camera sideways into "portrait" mode. That doesn't work for video.
  • Mirrors can be great for adding lighting and getting to see more of the scene without having a camera person. If you're using mirrors, make sure the camera isn't in the shot.

The most important takeaways: test your settings for a flattering home movie you'll actually want to watch again. Now, get out there and get busy!

  1. This post has A+ timing as today marks two years to the day that we got engaged. So having dirty fun sex is a 'gotta' for me (us) tonight. Adding a video camera would for sure be adding the dirty for me.

    5 agree
  2. Perfect advice… I have the next two days off and a mission to make a sexy movie to email to the Mister to help get around the stupid porn ban. <3

    2 agree
  3. This is a great piece, but all I can think about is how my boyfriend is not the only person who leaves dental floss pics around the apartment. It makes me crazy. My irrational reasoning when picking them up off the COUCH to throw away is that he's a freak because everyone knows it's gross to leave those things lying around (esp when the garbage is like a foot away), but I suppose it's just one of those things. I guess I WON'T be pelting him with his used-dental-floss-pics after all!

  4. Awesome post! Having a clean bedroom is one thing my husband and I commit to; the rest of the house could be falling apart but the bedroom is always picked up. One of those little things my husband does every morning is make the bed, so when I get home and walk into the bedroom, the first thing I see is the bed and have the "god i love him" moment. When I first told him how much it means to me, he said "I know; that's why I do it."

    Also, I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would never have a TV in my bedroom because it supposedly reduces the amount of sex couples have. I can't find the original article I read way back when, but here is a good rundown of reasons to boot the TV from the bedroom, if not the house all together: http://www.becomingminimalist.com/2011/01/03/18-darn-good-reasons-to-get-the-tv-out-of-the-bedroom/

    2 agree
  5. THANK YOU OBE for continually "going there".

    My point of recommendation here… my sort of gonna-eventually-happen-let-me-mentally-prepare preparation, has been to watch other homemade "movies". You find some great homebrew flicks on tumblr (did I just recommend some pr0n to you guys? Yes. Yes I did. -superheropose-)
    Anyway, watch those movies and take a casual look for things that just bug the crap out of you. A common oops I've noticed, for instance, is that they've gotten perfect lighting for foreplay but when they change positions for the main event, their faces get lost in shadows. Or, like, that movie poster above your bed might be your favorite, but it can be a bit distracting when you review the footage.
    Most importantly, I find that watching other people's sexyfilm emboldens me. They were not only brave enough to do it, they were brave enough to take it to tumblr for the world to enjoy. And occasionally, them films offer great ideas. :3

    1 agrees
    • Also.
      I just snorted at the fact that this is categorized under "doing". Heh heh. Getit? Doing.

      1 agrees
    • I'm not sure what part of Tumblr you're on, but I haven't found it.

  6. You guys! This makes me so happy, oh I'm totally going to get some.

  7. Meh, I wouldn't tag it as kink, it's how far you go with it that takes it to that level ;). Speaking of which some of the best *ahem* 'scenes' I've watched had interviews of all involved before and after the main event .. as a couple could be cute.

    Haha, must repeat the 'have a firm grip of the camera' part. A camera dropped on the face is quite a mood killer!

    Also, we ran out of disc memory on our cam last time. Fail, didn't catch the grand finale! So yeah make sure you CAN capture the whole thing battery/tape/memory wise beforehand.

    • I know it's not technically correct, I just thought the connection was funny.

      1 agrees
  8. Is there going to be a "submissions contest"? I think there should be lol.

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