Should housemates split chores 50-50? #Cleaning#chores#cleaning together April 14 | Cat Rocketship By: emilydickinsonridesabmx – CC BY 2.0 Fact: Dividing up chores makes a happy household, even when the shares are uneven. The Empire touched on this briefly — Ariel mentioned it on Offbeat Mama last year — but it's got a new application for Offbeat Home. Learning to live with other people is hard. Having a roommate or bringing in a ladyfriend isn't like living with Mom and Dad and Bro and Sis — it's new territory, with its own rules. We, being polite and hardworking people, want to make sure that we "carry our own fair share" and hope that our co-habiters do the same. But housework is one of the topics couples most often argue over, even when both sides are trying to keep up! Fundamentally, it's almost never about laziness — it's a conversation that needs to be had. In the division of Rockethaus duties, it is my job to empty the dishwasher, but not load it. It's my job to clean the tub and the sink, but not the toilet. It's my job to keep the hardwood and linoleum clean, but not the carpet. And since I'm House Captain it's also my job by default to do most of the other cleaning, upkeep, gardening and cooking. It's my husband's job to load the dishwasher, clean the toilet and, well, go to his job — which takes up more time and energy than mine. I do the lion's share of the housework, but this arrangement makes me 100% happy. Let me tell you how I got to this place. Scott and I struggled over chores for a long time. Some of it was about becoming grown ups who live with other grown ups and maintain our own home, and also about one of us (me) overcoming severe slobbiness — but later it was a series of tense negotiations about who is going to clean that up. Gamify your chores for great justice You can game-ify your home, but did you know you can game-ify the way you CLEAN your home? Unlock your inner champion for real-life rewards.... [more] The turning point came when we laid out our tradeoffs. This is not a funny exaggeration: I have an aversion to touching dirty dishes. Just like my other aversions I have no idea why it bothers me — I just don't like it enough that I put it at the end of all my chores and it rarely gets done if left on my plate. And Scott, I learned, doesn't like unloading the dishwasher. He doesn't have a weird thing about it, it's just tedious. Since we discovered I could unload the dishwasher if he put the dishes in — and made a few other arrangements that divided the work in ways that felt right, instead of the ways that seemed most even — we've almost entirely stopped fighting about cleaning. Now that I essentially got Scott to do the really sucky parts of my job, I'm totally cool with doing the rest when he just doesn't have the time or mental energy. He usually goes above and beyond. We still get a messy house. I definitely still fall behind on my chores — more Fridays than not, our kitchen is a wasteland and our den is a Cat Cave from my workday hunkering. But the everyday upkeep of our house is now routine, calm and drama-free, which makes life a ton easier. Instead of dividing the pie in half, we recognized that for us, it worked best for me to take the filling, and him to take the crust. How do YOU divide the work? Is it 50/50, or have you negotiated special deals to compensate for each person's strengths and weaknesses around things like dirty dishes? Reporter Name * Reporter Email * Original text Enter the original text here. Edited text* Enter your suggested copyedit here. Notes You can add a note for the editor here. * Required information. Fix Typo Cat Rocketship I was the Managing Editor of Offbeat Home for a year and a half. I have a rich Internet life and also a pretty good real life. Hobbies include D&D, Twitter, and working on making our household more self-reliant. I also draw things. PREVIOUS Container gardening part deux: Beyond thunderdome NEXT 3 unexpected books about homemaking Toggle comments [ 70 ] Comment navigation Newer Comments → My ex used to feel the same way–if I would just unload the dishwasher, he'd load it. He hated unloading it. And I have a HUGE problem with the smell of dishes, so it worked so buttah. Now, I'm living with a roommate. Neither of us are natural cleaners, both leaning towards downright sloppiness. The point at which she's willing to do dishes is "Oh, I guess there's mold growing. Guess I better do this tomorrow." I'm terrified of mold, and I flip out randomly at the sight of my own clutter. But the thing about me is, I CAN NOT confront people. I just can't do it. So I've decided that if I want things clean, my choices are either to tackle that conversation or just do it my own damn self. I expected on some level to grow bitter about this, but honestly, knowing that I have an alternative that I'm just not taking helps. I still grumble about it, but just knowing that I've consciously decided to do it makes it surprisingly okay. Anyway, she cleans the litterbox. Not having to do that makes me feel a million times better about having to clean up the countertops weekly. 3 agree Reply I feel the same! Both about mold (argh! Hate it so much) and about randomly finding clutter really anxiety-inducing. And the lack of confronting – because there's only so many times you can gently suggest that someone cleans something before it's nagging. Like, my flatmate isn't very good at washing up. So stuff gets left on the draining board, apparently "washed", but still with food visibly on it. So I have three options – put dirty plates in the cupboards (not an option in my book, mold is deeply unsettling and not cool), re-wash her things myself (which I have done on occasion to avoid the argument) or pointedly move all her stuff back onto the counter or into the sink to suggest that she should wash it again. This is really passive-agressive of me, I know, but I really don't know how to bring it up in a conversation without sounding incredibly critical and nagging. Unfortunately, I simply have a much lower tolerance for dirt than my flatmate, so I always a) clean before she gets round to it and b) clean much more thoroughly, including occasionally redoing chores I don't realise she's done. I was annoyed about having to do so much more cleaning at first. But, ulitmately, she does try to help, and if I don't think she cleans often/thoroughly enough, and I'm not willing to have the awkward convo, then that's my own problem, really. If only she didn't leave moldy things in the fridge… 0 agree Reply As the person who's been on the other side of that kind of relationship (i.e. not being as thorough/aware), I can almost guarantee that she probably feels really really guilty for not keeping up. I know when my old roommate would clean, it was usually around the same day I "came to" and noticed something needed to be cleaned. Then I would feel like a heel. So I guess what I am trying to say is that there are likely guilt consequences for her, and that she appreciates your cleaning and feels anxiety over not being better, even if she doesn't talk about it So yeah, on behalf of all of us slobs lucky enough to be room-mates/spouses of tidy people: THANK-YOU! 4 agree Reply THANK YOU. 0 agree Reply same boat here. im gonna have to show your comment to my fiance so he'll maybe understand its not just me and that i really do feel guilty about being the 'slobby' one. 0 agree Reply Thanks Angela! Yeah, I know we tidy-freaks are really guilt-inducing… So, basically, on behalf of the tidy-freaks – you're welcome, but please don't feel guilty! If we didn't like you, we wouldn't live with you. Please have a hug. 1 agrees Reply I have some friends like this. Their agreement was that one girl does "the tidying," and the other does "the cleaning." The one who just doesn't clean as thoroughly does as much as she's apt to do, and the the other one gets the corners and the "deep" cleaning. Actually, come to think of it, that's how my boyfriend and I divide the bathroom. It doesn't NEED to be scrubbed down more than every two weeks, and we clear/clean off the counter and scrub the toilet whenever it needs it (so like, twice a week or so). We switch off weeks. He scrubs the tub and shower wall better than I do, I get the dustboards and corners and behind the toilet better. So, all those things end up getting done about twice a month, which keeps it from getting anything more than "a tad dusty" in the corners. 0 agree Reply My FH and I have a very similar system now. We used to operate a strict turn based system, which seemed fairest as we moved in together. Many MANY rows ensued when one person didn't do the chore they hated for aaaaaagggggeeeeeesss even though it was "their turn". Then I bought a book called 'Spousonomics' which (among other lifesaving pieces of wisdom) suggested the above system. Its called 'comparative advantage' in economics speak, and lets us do the chores that we are best at / don't detest while the other person does theirs. Yes I now cook 6 days out of 7, but I rarely have to take out the trash. *shudders* Since then we have been completely chores related argument free. Along with a couple of other gems, this book has saved us a lot of grief in our future marriage!! I RECOMMEND!!!! 0 agree Reply Comparative advantage is awesome! I wish more people knew about it, because you can apply it to almost every aspect of life ^^ 0 agree Reply We have the rule that whoever cares the most about something is the one to do it. then, we also play to each other's strengths. He washes dishes, I wash sliverware. I clean the bathroom, he supervises the boys' cleaning their room. he helps with homework and the boys' folding their laundry, I cook dinner and clean the table. Most of our stuff has been a kind of unspoken thing. As I got busier at work, he sort of took over our laundry and learned which shirts of mine not to put in the dryer. 1 agrees Reply "We have the rule that whoever cares the most about something is the one to do it." Bingo. And then every once in a while we agree on an hour of team cleaning. BTW, I wasn't so sure what the girl in the picture up above was doing. Wringing out a sponge or milking a cow? Milky. 1 agrees Reply it's a good rule when it works, but it doesn't work when one party does all the caring =) but "team cleaning" has been *super* successful for us – because we're both lazy. we set a timer for about 30 minutes in the evenings and just do what happens to need doing that particular day. it's such a short time, and it makes such a big difference. 6 agree Reply My husband and I both do this. It helps that we're both hella competitive, so it becomes a game of "I have to get the [whatever] done before she/he gets the [whatever] done!!!" which benefits us both, because more cleaning gets done that way, with accompanying silly trash-talking and laughter. 0 agree Reply we definitely don't go fifty/fifty but a lot of how chores end up divided depends on our work schedules. I'm home more at night so outdoor things tend to go to him while I end up doing laundry (honestly I love doing laundry so it's fine) and whoever doesn't cook ends up doing the dishes. I clean the bathrooms but he does the cat litter box and the trash. It wasn't something that was ever really discussed though it's simply the way we ended up working out. 0 agree Reply I do the vast majority of it. It's kind of off now because my husband is away on business for four months and only home on the weekends, so right now I pretty much just ask him to not explode or make the house *that* much dirtier than the normal wear and tear. However typically he does a lot more than he does now. We do divide things based on chores we do/do not like, except the dishes. We don't have a dishwasher so usually end up doing them solely because my mess threshold is way lower than his. He's learned to pick up after himself more, or to take me seriously when he senses a panic attack over the laundry coming, but I've also learned that his mess tolerance is a lot higher than mine and if it really bothers me that much maybe I should just go ahead and do it. 1 agrees Reply I want April's system to work for us, but the problem is that I care more about every aspect of housekeeping than he does. Does that mwan that I should do all the housekeeping? Like, literally, all of it? (AND go to my job at which I earn more than he does, AND be the person who makes sure the bills are paid on time?) It's a dilemma! Why should he have to clean to my standard? But why should I have to live with his (or, alternatively, do all the cleaning)? One thing that has worked for us – mostly by assuaging my irritation – is that he does nearly all of our social arranging. I love this. When I finally noticed that that's a thing that he always takes on, and that I loooove not having to be in charge of social scheduling, it made me feel a bit better about the other life-maintenance tasks that I shoulder. 5 agree Reply My partner is OCD when it comes to cleaning and I, frankly, couldn't care less if the bed isn't made and my clothes aren't put in their drawers. As a result, there has been a lot of tension over cleaning and my partner feels like he's doing everything since it'll bug him before it does me, thus he'll clean it all while I'm at work or class. Our compromise came in the form of prioritizing what HAD to be done/cleaned everyday, and what could slide. His number one priority is having the bed made (can't "start" his day until it's done) and I hate putting clothes in the hamper when I have to dump the hamper on the floor to sort and wash laundry; so every morning the bed gets made and if clothes end up in the proximity of the laundry room, that's good enough. We try to do the chores together as much as possible so it's not just me or him doing *all* the work, but both of us accomplishing it together. I suppose the short version is this: discuss the cleanliness standards both of you are accustomed to living by and compromise somewhere in the middle, then do as many chores as possible together. 0 agree Reply You could have more than one hamper, and pre-sort them into the appropriate bin when they are dirty. We have three of those collapsible ones in the bedroom (darks, lights, and jeans) and one in the bathroom for towels. Then when you go to wash them, they're already where they should be. 2 agree Reply This is genius. And so simple, I wonder why I never thought of it. I bet the hubster would even do it, too… Thanks!! 0 agree Reply We have this with 10 bins. I know it seem excessive but hear me out! We were spending $40-50 a month on laundry before, and can save a lot of that by doing it at his parents' house on our monthly visits–it makes the cost of laundry or that trip a wash, because the gas and laundry are about the same. We just do loads in between as absolutely necessary. 1) Kitchen towels and napkins–napkins get plucked and washed with sheets or else we end up with lintyness. 2) Bath towels, and stray socks & underwear sometimes–when we go to do laundry, we pack or wash the bathroom towels first, then sort the non-towels that are in this hamper into the other hampers as appropriate. 3) Whites 4) Sheets & Tablecloths (& Napkins even if they don't always make it here first) 5) Mr's work clothes, socks & underwear 6) Mr's t-shirts & pants 7) my Denim 8 & 9) my warm-wash clothes that can be dried 10) my cold load and don't-dry-me clothes. This way we don't have to sort out a load of who needs to fold what, and I just have to fold my own clothes while he does the rest. He doesn't need to try to sort out what gets dried or not, when it comes off it gets sorted right off. Plus, if I'm out of clean bras, there's no searching which load they're in–there's only one spot. We used to wash our clothes together, but honestly, having the bulk of them separated has been absolutely wonderful just from folding purposes (plus we don't have mixed finances, so it allows me to budget for my own clothes separately and share the cost of washing towels and sheets in exchange for him folding them all). I'm not sure we have an entire load of white clothes between us, but we keep them separated so we don't accidentally pink them. His denim usually ends up getting washed with his warm load, but it's nice to have them separated so I can toss all my heavy-weight sweatshirts and such together, as it helps with managing the dryer loads. 0 agree Reply Yep – more than one laundry basket is awesome! We have three – 'standard', 'hard wash', and 'special attention'. Standard gets most of the clothes – he doesn't care about separating colours, and I wear black or use laundry bags, so it's pretty easy. We wash these on the coldest setting for about 30 minutes. The hard wash basket gets the sheets, towels, and so on, which do well with a hotter wash, and usually get about an hour. The delicates/special attention basket is more of a catching place for the things we need to do differently – mostly hand washing, delicates, and wool. 0 agree Reply There are other things that you can divide up which aren't cleaning, too – like meals. Meal planning, creating shopping lists, knowing the pantry inventory, actually going shopping, and cooking can all be tasks too. 0 agree Reply My most loathed housekeeping issues are the one that Nerd will willingly do – emptying the catbox, taking the garbage out, things like that. I honestly, genuinely enjoy cleaning though. 0 agree Reply It's funny this story popped up in my fb feed now…I'm currently debating how to bring up the idea of splitting chores amongst my other two roomies. As it is right now, I'm doing the only cleaning of common rooms and my roommates only clean those spaces when they have company over, which isn't often. And one of them had the audacity to mention making a chores list because "no one ever cleans around here." Not sure how to bring it up, though, knowing how I deal with things. I tend to not be the nicest when I get fed up with stuff like this. I'd like to go the route of "If it looks like it needs cleaning, clean it." but that doesn't appear to be working. 0 agree Reply God, I would kill to figure this out. My partner and I live with two other roommates, but it seems like it's only ever us two doing all the cleaning. We are constantly cleaning their dirty dishes, taking out the trash, vacuuming the house (including THEIR bedrooms, otherwise it would never get done, ugh)… Unfortunately, we tried a chores list and it was STILL just the two of us cleaning– and I didn't even live there at the time! So if anyone has any other suggestions, I'd love to hear em. >.o 0 agree Reply When a housemate of ours wouldn't clean his dog crap up, at all, ever, with our one year old playing in the yard, we asked, picked it up ourselves, asked, picked it up ourselves, asked, asked… then collected it and out it on the bonnet of his car. He picked it up after that. 2 agree Reply Oh man, my hubs and I have been there. One roomie was unemployed and we STILL came home to rotten, dirty dishes, full to the brim cat boxes and trash on the porch. We finally had to move out after she suggested that if it bothered us that much we could clean it ourselves. And we did, as a wedding present, the day before we moved out. 0 agree Reply Consider ChoreWars as a more fun way of dealing with who did what. It worked well for us! 0 agree Reply April – That's awesome! I wish I didn't have to be so concerned about both myself and my husband putting one of my non-dryer shirts in the dryer. It was a nightmare when we were using the laundromat. 0 agree Reply Honestly I get around this by refusing to own clothes that need special care. I wash whites seperately (because mixing them ends badly and I can't avoid owning white stuff completely it seems) but that's as far as it goes. It's actually surpising how many things can take a standard wash (at 40 celcius) and dry cycle when the lables claim they can't. I've got a few allegedy hand-wash only items I took a chance on because they looked durable and they've always been fine. 8 agree Reply Sunny is completely terrified of putting one of my shirts that don't get dried, in the dryer. I've shown him multiple times and he still worries. I think he worries more about ruining one of my SUPER-FAVORITE shirts and me being angry with him. I've already explained to him that I wouldn't be mad, might be bummed, but not mad. I've made the mistake too and their MY clothes. I've just taken to telling him that if he's not sure about whether it goes in the dryer or not–on the rare occasion I actually ask him to switch a load for me (because I LIKE doing laundry and he hates folding.)–I just have him leave it out. That way nothing will get ruined. 0 agree Reply When we were first married, I worked full-time and my husband part-time. He did all outside chores: lawn, gardening, and trash, and he also cooked; I cleaned the inside of the house, did dishes, and we shared laundry (whenever the laundry basket was full, whoever was home did it). Now that I'm home with our son and he's working full-time, I'm pretty much doing most of the chores. However, he still does trash, and he does laundry on his day off if it needs to be done. We don't have a specific list, but if I ask him to do something, such as dishes after I've cooked, he will do it, and if he asks me to do laundry earlier in the week, I will do it. Before I was married, though, I lived in a house with three other adults and two children (only during the summer and holidays). We had a chore list, and it was my job to do vacuuming/sweeping and to empty the dishwasher. One roommate was almost never around and so he never really did chores, but he would also pick up the random bills now and then for repairs or other charges, and when it came time for us to move out, we all agreed he had to do the lion's share of the post-move cleaning! 0 agree Reply Our chore division is pretty simple: Boyfriend cooks, I clean. This puts us each in charge of the one we a) are any good at and b) really care about happening. It means he spends a little time each day on his part, and I spend bigger chunks of time every few days on mine. I will go ahead and admit that my boyfriend holds up his end of the deal WAY better than I do mine. I'm still struggling to not let clutter accumulate (and, I should note, even though I'm in charge of cleaning, that isn't a free pass for him to just leave his crap everywhere because I'll pick it up). It's really working for us — well, it really works in that we've had maybe two fights about it. It's not working in that I need to quit slacking. :p 0 agree Reply At the moment I do almost all the house work because I'm unemployed but my boyfriend works full time. It's not something I'd want to stick with long-term but for now it helps me feel less useless. Our system for when I'm working is a bit more complicated but like other people's focused on letting us both avoid things we hate. The only real rules are that I clean the toilet and he takes the rubbish out and whoever doesn't cook dinner has to wash up. We both like cooking and don't mind washing up, but the fact that one generally follows the other means it sucks to do both. Oh and my pet snails are my sole responsibility. Shopping, especially big shops is a joint chore by nessesity. We don't have a car so it takes both of us to carry a full load of shopping, especially heavy stuff. Everything else gets split by negotiation. I'll come up with a list of stuff that needs doing (because I'm the one who notices when the place is a mess) and we try to make the amount of effort even but both take jobs we don't mind or know the other person hates. It usually works out pretty well. 0 agree Reply My dude and I have agreed about some divisions, some are still to be negotiated. We'll probably get a dishwasher because I hate doing dishes, but I also hate having to empty a sink of dirty dishes because I need to drain spaghetti or can't get in to wash a pan. The ferret cage, however, is his problem. I flat out refuse to wash the cage but I will nag about it. I love the little rodents, but one of them missed every single memo ferrets are supposed to get about how to live in their territory. In contrast, my dude loves to cook so that is his job when he's not so exhausted from school and work that he just wants food. I bake though because that I know about. The bathroom is mine because I have a very different standard of clean in there than he does. He looks after my car maintenance because I suck at it. I'll shovel because I am more likely to care. Even isn't really the issue, just finding the balance that works for the two of us and making sure that we're both contributing. As long as he cleans the ferret cage. 0 agree Reply We don't have a 50/50 system; it sort of fluctuates around who's got more time/etc. Since I've been back at school, Mr. Ninja's been awesome at picking up the slack while I write endless papers and research and study for exams. Some things that don't change: I do the litterboxes (we have 2 cats), unload the dishwasher (we both load), cook breakfast and supper during the week and generally tidy up here & there if it enters my brain that the house is looking cluttered. He's the one that handles the laundry, does the bathroom and vacuums. It's taken some negotiation here and there – I tend to be the messy, "It's only a couple of things!" person, while he's the "Let's put it all away and make things look tidy, OK?" person. But so far, things seem to be working just fine – we'll see how it goes when a baby gets added to the mix! 0 agree Reply We use this focus as well- taking on the chores that we each hate less or care about more. I hate vacuuming (due to some childhood trauma- my mom used to yell and scream when she made me vacuum cause I wasn't doing it right). The most romantic thing I think my fiance has ever said to me was that I would never have to vacuum another day in my life with him around. He also does all the mopping. I do most of the general tidying, dusting, clutter busting… We share dishes, but I put them away. I usual clean the bathroom. He shovels, I take out the garbage. We both do laundry. It seems really fair and it works for us. 1 agrees Reply I pay the bills and cook all the meals, my boyfriend goes to school and does most of the chores. It works for us because he likes cleaning. I also have an aversion to dirty dishes– but mine is mostly centered around silverware. I won't touch them, and the same goes for dirty clothes, particularly underwear. 0 agree Reply The BF and I are both pretty loaded with work (each with full-time job, him working on his dregree, me going for certificates and trying to become a successfully published writer), so… let's say, if someone complains about the mess, I can say that we do indeed have better things to do. ^^ But we've got arrangements to avoid encounters with the "pest department" – since his way to work is longer than mine and he works an hour per day more, I do most of the daily chores (cook, groceries, clean litter boxes, do dishes and laundry); in addition I clean the bathrooms about once per week. The BF takes out the trash and is responsible vor vacuuming and mopping – but I have to say in his honor that he often helps me with stuff if I'm not done yet when he returns home. This way, we get to enjoy the maximum out of our time together on most days. ^^ 0 agree Reply We have almost a 50/50 system. But we divided it up based on what we hate doing. For example, I LOATHE vacuuming. And he LOATHES cleaning a bathroom. So I clean the bathroom (I cleaned plenty when I worked at Starbucks), and he vacuums. I do most of the cooking in the winter, he does most of it in the summer (I don't BBQ ever since I almost burnt off my eyebrows). We share things like cleaning the kitchen, dusting, the dishes/dishwasher, taking out the garbage/recycling, grocery shopping and general tidying up. We're both messy people in some aspects (I leave clothes on the bedroom floor, and he leaves dishes piled in random places throughout the condo)…so we both reserve the right to say to the other person…"hey! clean up your mess!" But otherwise, our mess is shared, and we clean it together. However, I do the laundry because I'm really anal about which clothes go in which laundry pile. 0 agree Reply We have a vaguely functional system that's worked in the past, which was basically, 'I don't mind X, but I hate X' as mentioned above. Washing dishes is my Zen place, as is most kitchen stuff. My boyfriend gets super anal about keeping the living room neat, including my super cluttered computer space. Between the both of us, we both ignore the bedroom and the bathroom, which suits us so long as no one's mother is coming over to grouch about the way the sink looks. 0 agree Reply I've lived with 3 other girls (all grad students) for the past 2 years. The first year, everyone was just supposed to pitch in when they saw that something needed to be done…and our place was kinda messy and everyone felt like they were doing all the work. We moved last summer and used the occasion to talk about chores. This year has been much smoother because we began a list of the major chores and everyone writes their name and date each time they do it. We don't necessarily have "turns" – depending on who is busy when – but it has helped us even out our duties in the long-run. 0 agree Reply My husband works 2 12 hour days, 2 12 hour nights and then 4 off. On his day shifts, I cook supper. On his other days, I do the dishes and keep the kitchen clean and he cooks. I do laundry, he takes out the garbage and shovels the driveway. We both keep our place pretty tidy together, but the bulk of the rest of the cleaning falls to me because I feel, with me working fewer hours than him in a much less stressful job, this is my way to pull my weight and to give back. 0 agree Reply Talking about how to divide chores has never happened between Derrik and I, and I'd welcome it. I'm looking forward to having that talk and getting away from the nagging. (If I keep going I'll start to sound like a letter to Dear Abby.) 0 agree Reply I was just thinking about this today, because my husband cleaned the kitchen and I finished doing our taxes. We never sat down and decided who would do what, but he's far more likely to take the trash out and clean the bathroom, and I'm far more likely to schedule car appointments and plan meals. There's very few tasks that we split 50-50 down the middle. One way we try to keep resentment from building up is to be very appreciative of each other. I think it's fantastic that he cleaned the kitchen today, and made sure he knows it. And I know it was a weight off his mind to not worry about taxes, because he told me so. Even when one of us feels like we're doing more than the other, knowing that what we do is noticed and appreciated can keep the grumpies from turning into a full-on fight. 4 agree Reply Yes! I can't believe it didn't come up before, letting the other person/people know their effort is appreciated is such a big part of it too. It's something I learned from working with kids, and especially getting kids to clean up after themselves. Encouraging them and thanking them goes a long way. Adults maybe don't need as much encouragement but a thank you or "wow, it's so clean, you did a really good job" really helps stop any resentment. 2 agree Reply Yes! Exactly! I've always thought thanking a person for Doing Their Job was a good thing. It's way better than receiving the wage or knowing you'd done your duty. My husband? It made him feel like he was doing My Chores if I thanked him for something. Wha'?? I'm so not kidding. He'd stop doing things I thanked him for doing. Is that nuts?? I still think it's hilarious. 0 agree Reply Usually my partner is the one who takes on most of the chores. He's just always cared much more about those things. Besides, he's a system-freak; he needs things to be in order. But now that he spends three hours commuting five days a week, we both agree that I should be the one to take care of the apartment. It wouldn't be fair if he had to do all those things on top of sacrificing three hours of his day so that we can live near my university. But he still cleans the bathroom every other week, and cooks (delicious!) breakfast in the weekends ^^ 0 agree Reply I do more tidying (I also make more mess), he does a lot more day to day cleaning (like washing up). I do more "extra credit" cleaning – like bleaching mildew off a wall. He does more cooking. I have a pretty sweet deal, all told! 0 agree Reply Comment navigation Newer Comments → Join the conversation Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked * Comment Notify me of follow-up comments by email. 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