The brand new mattress back in 2008. IT STILL LOOKS LIKE THIS!
A couple years ago, high on a tax refund, Andreas and I invested in our first ever brand-spanking-new mattress. For ten years, we'd slept on a series of secondhand mattresses and sagging futons, but we were finally moving on up in the world with a NEW MATTRESS!
When we set up the bed, I realized I was terrified. The mattress was SO WHITE, and I desperately wanted it to stay that way. Ten years of sleeping on mattresses stained with other people's bodily fluids had done me in. I became obsessed with keeping the mattress clean and was constantly pulling out towels to lay on the bed during, uh, intimate moments.
"…JUST IN CASE!" I would say, as Andreas rolled his eyes at me. And then the unthinkable happened: a particularly messy encounter soaked all the way through a towel. (Without getting into it, we'll just say these things can happen.)
Seven bucks for a clean mattress forevar.
What I needed was an incontinence bed pad. Wait, really? I was going to buy hospital-grade incontinence products for my bedroom?
The answer was yes. In fact, I bought a four-pack. I call them "special mats" and they live folded up next to the bed, to be pulled out and quickly slapped down on top of the fitted sheet when needed. The mats are soft and quilted (the waterproof plastic lining is encased in cloth), so they're comfortable and not at all like the dreaded "rubber sheets." While it's sort of odd to have medical incontinence supplies next to the bed, I am proud to say that three years later, our mattress is still completely unstained. I'm extra proud of that accomplishment considering we co-slept with a spitting up baby for six months… special mats are good for all sorts of bodily fluids!
About Ariel Meadow Stallings
Author of Offbeat Bride: Creative Alternatives for Independent Brides, Ariel acts as the publisher of all the Offbeat Empire websites. She lives, loves, and dorks out hard in Seattle, WA.
SKetch said
"These things can happen."
ROTFLMFAO!!!!!! I am so glad there is a place where people are not afraid to address these real life issues. >:D
AThombert said
Brilliant! We considered purchasing a certain adult-store product for this very purpose, but your "special pads" cost a fraction of the previous contender's price. Thanks for the tip!
Jen said
I've also considered the same product, but this is a much more affordable solution!
Paige said
Awesome post!
I also know about these via Dan Savage, for a reusable option:
http://www.liberator.com/eng/p…ator/10342
http://www.liberator.com/eng/p…hroe/12177
Andrea said
Check the Amazon link again, the ones there are also reusable and way, way cheaper!
Rachel H. Scotland said
and way, way sexier!
scientistchick said
You are a genius! Most of the time we don't need any such thing, occasionally the towel I keep by the bed is needed. However, I once soaked through my "sex towel", my quilt, both sheets, and the mattress pad.
Liz said
Oh thank you, thank you! I've been thinking about getting one of these from Lunapads for this very reason. This is EVERY sexual encounter for us and it's become a joke when we put down the towel because we KNOW it's not going to be enough. I was skeptical though that this would be any different than a towel, so I'm very happy to know that it works! Thank you for being willing to post about this!
kacisaurus said
Hahaha. I use these for doggy pee pads when were at work. Lol
princessjo1988 said
I use a padded, fitted under-blanket (about an inch thick)that works really well too – no stains here either!!
And it makes the bed super comfy too!
dootsiebug said
So, okay. Are they rustly, like lying on a plastic bag? Reusable? Stand up to a lot of…uhm… movement?
I need something like this more than occasionally. I CAN NOT continue washing my sheets as often as I do (Oh, me.)
Ariel said
Not rustly. Relatively stay-in-place-ish.
dootsiebug said
Awesommmmmme.
My mattress is going to be so much in your debt.
Danikat said
You know you're on Offbeat Home when…
That title was exactly the laugh I needed this evening!
Like princessjo1988 we have a fitted underblanket that sits between the matress and the sheet and seems to do the trick. My mother insisted on buying it for us, she said it was keeping 'dead skin' off the matress and having read this I am determindly believing that is all she thought of!
tirzah said
<3
Jen said
Awesome! I'm glad someone thinks to post important stuff like this.
Elyse said
PERFECT TIMING! This weekend, we're getting our first brand new bed set – frame, headboard, mattress and all! And I really seriously hated the idea of ruining it that night… now I can just get some of these things, and be perfectly worry-free.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! And my soon-to-be mattress thanks you a million times as well.
Julie said
Whoo hoo!!!
Faye said
My only question is – who thinks about this while still half asleep, whether waking up in the morning, or falling asleep at night. The mattress would love you, but is there any option for something to just leave on it?
offbeatyyy said
Bonds make a fitted mattress protector that is waterproof but not plastic-y at all We have one on our bed and one for the child, no leakage ever
Amber said
OMG I totally stole one of these from the hospital after my daughter was born. The ones they put under you so you don't ruin their sheets
I had to have it so we could do naked time with the baby and not get pee all over the place. Well she hated naked time so it rarely got used. I've been wondering why in the world I should keep it, and this seals it!
Amber said
OMG I totally stole one of these from the hospital after my daughter was born. The ones they put under you so you don't ruin their sheets
I had to have it so we could do naked time with the baby and not get pee all over the place. Well she hated naked time so it rarely got used. I've been wondering why in the world I should keep it, and this seals it!
etimodnar said
OH MY GOODNESS! I thought I was the only one who put down a towel!! It's just so… unromantic that it's never in the movies/tv shows I watch/books I read. I LOVE Offbeathome SO FREAKING MUCH!
Seriously going to invest in these pads.
djr said
I thought so too! I even got made fun of by my PROFESSOR in a sociology class titled "Deviant Sexuality." Ugh. So what if making sure there's a towel within reach is part of my prepping for sexy time routine?! Sleeping under soaked blankets/sheets/mattress pad/whatever got wet is NOT sexy, or restful.
Freckles said
After we bought our first grown up matress ie. one we couldn't afford, we went with the towels, until our oversized dog got in our bedroom and dug a hole in the matress 8 weeks after we got it! I've now given up on the idea of my perfect matress
Gina Thompson said
SERIOUSLY??!!! The dog DUG A HOLE in the mattress? I've never heard of a dog being that destructive – am so sorry your furbaby was so naughty. Mine has taken a tendency to regularly pooping on the carpet – always in the same place, and almost daily. Any ideas?
Jen said
If I had to venture a guess, I'd say the lingering odor marks it as his "pooping spot". I've heard of this happening with cats and pee, so I'd imagine it can happen with dogs and poop as well. Assuming you've already cleaned it as well as you can (multiple times!), have you tried putting something in that spot that he wouldn't want to (or can't) poop on? Or something to mask the odor? Even if you can't smell it, he probably can. I don't know if they make a product to accomplish this, but Nature's Miracle is a great cleaner for this if you haven't tried it already.
Shel said
No no no no. Don't put somehting over it. He will go next to/up against the object, no matter how large it is. What you need to do is get a grape fruit, take a huge chunk of pel, score(rought up the non-white side) it with a knife, then rub that shit into the spot he goes on. After it's clean and dried from his last…evacuation.
I swear by this. It works. They hate the smell. As for tile, I just throw down bleach, let it sit for a few, then wipe it up.
Caitlin said
OMG I thought I was the only genius that thought of this!
We call it the "sexypad" though. We looked into the Liberator Throe and I was like 80$?! Are you freaking kidding me?!
HelleCat said
You know what the liberator throe is? A few of those shamwow towels sewn together with a cover over them.
Thats what I did, just took the bigger shamwows, sewed them together, made a cover out of an old sheet. When I'm done with it, just throw it in the wash!
Marlo said
You use shamwows??? Amazing idea. What happens if you soak this and then put pressure on it — the liquid doesn't on the mattress?
HelleCat said
Well I've never had a problem with them soaking thorough, but I'm pretty active…"sleeper". So if it gets wet I move to another part until we are done…sleeping..
nikk said
I use them as sheet savers in my baby boy's crib… sometimes a diaper just can't hold up for 8 hours and this way I don't have to fight his crib set to get the damn sheets off!
Gina Thompson said
Thank you so much for this great idea – I will send some to my son and D-I-L for their upcoming baby (my first grandchild) – I love love LOVE new ideas for products! You guys rock!
Shaina said
Wow that never to me. All my beds have been hand-me-downs from family, and they all line their bed with those plastic covers so it was never an issue.
Stephanie said
Hmm, maybe this is why all the mattresses at my college are plastic…
Jen said
Ha! Yeah, I figured that out a few months into my freshman year. It's definitely a good thing mine were plastic.
misty said
lol!!
Thankfully we have a waterproof mattress cover that isn't rubbery or even noticeable. It protects our ridiculously expensive mattress from messy sex and unexpected night time periods/leaks. It also saved the mattress from puppy pee the other day. And breastmilk leaks…and baby puke…wow…I am really thankful for this mattress pad.
sassy said
PURE GENIUS! thank you!!!!!!!!!!!! the towel thing was really getting old haha
wish i would've thought about this when i was at the hospital so i could nab some
miranda said
first of all, totally jealous on the "these things happen" part. i mean, i know they do, but i've only experienced it twice in 15 years!
second, great idea! would be perfect for period time too.